Uncle Bud tells the same joke every year at the first campfire, so every returning camper knows it by heart. And just before he gets to the end, we always interrupt by yelling out the punch line and laughing hysterically.
Here it is. But I warn you, it’s only funny if you’ve heard it a million times.
A man went into a restaurant with a gigantic, sharp-toothed monster on a leash.
“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” the waiter said, “Your creature looks extremely dangerous. You’ll have to tie him up outside.”
So the man took his monster outside and tied him to a post, then came back inside and ordered dinner. Just as he took the first bite, a little girl came into the restaurant and asked, “Does that terrible monster outside belong to anyone in here?”
illustration by Georgie Sinkoff
“It’s mine,” said the man. “Is there a problem?”
“Well, I’m really sorry,” the little girl said, “But my tiny little kitten just killed him.”
“Killed him!?” The man shouted. “How?”
“She choked him,” the little girl replied.
The man waved his arms in the air and asked loudly, “How could your tiny little kitten choke my great big monster?”
The little girl looked at the man and said, “She got stuck in his throat.”
Uncle Bud needs a new joke. If you know a better joke or a worse joke, please tell it to me.
Book 2
Sneaking, snakes, and scary nights at the greatest summer camp anywhere!
Stupid and Manners are brothers. One day Manners is missing.The policeman has a conversation with Stupid.
“Your name?”
“Stupid.”
“HOW RUDE!WHERE’S YOUR MANNERS?”
“Manners is missing!”
heehee
A man walked into a restaurant.
customer: Do you serve lobsters?
waiter: of course sir, we serve everyone!
HA! What a good restaurant!
Best joke Ever!!!
Really?
I guess if you’ve heard it a 1000 times like I have, it gets less funny.
two men go hunting. the first gets a heart attack and drops dead. the second calls 911. the hunter says “my friend just got a heart attack and dropped dead”. the operator replies “okay, calm down, first we have to make sure that he is dead”. there is a short silence then the operator hears a gunshot. “now what” the hunter asks…
That’s sick.
But funny.
A good joke is: Knock-knock. Who’s there? Cook. Cook who? Are you as crazy as you sound?!?!?!
Ha!
Who built the first plane that couldn’t fly?
Give up? The Wrong Brothers
I don’t know their first names, but their initials were:
I. M. Wrong
and
U. R. Wrong
Ok, I got a short one, so he can have a compilation.
There are 10 types of people in the world. One understands binary and the other doesn’t. Don’t get it? 10 in binary means 2.
I get it! It’s a math joke.
What’s the difference between a piano , a tuna and a pot of glue?
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna
What about the pot of glue?
I knew you’d get stuck there!
What’s the difference between an onion and homework?
Nobody cries when you cut up homework!
Ha! I like ’em.
joke #1:kinda funny…
joke #2:not funny at ALL.
This is lame Cheesie Your Funnier
That’s a short story not a joke.
I think you’re right.
A girl walks into the store . A server asks “what do you want to drink?”the girl asks “do you have milkshakes ?”The server says “No, but I do have a cow
That’s as weak as Uncle Bud’s joke!
Cheesie’s right!
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she will Let it go.
Funny joke hahaha
I’ve got one! A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, and the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says, “NO, we don’t sell grapes,”so the duck leaves the store. The next day the duck goes to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager is furious now and says, “NO, WE DO NOT SELL GRAPES! IF YOU COME BACK AND ASK IF WE SELL GRAPES AGAIN, I’LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE FLOOR!” The next day the duck goes back to the same store and says to the manager, “Exscuse me, do you sell nails at this store?” The manager says, “No we don’t sell nails.” The duck replies, “That’s good. Do you sell grapes?”
You totally nailed that one!
THAT IS COPY WRITING FLAMETHROWER NO COPYWRITING OR ELSE ILL THE PERSON WHO MADE THAT SONG IS GONNA COPY RIGHT CHEESIE’S BOOK OR SUE HIM.
no ill that was a mistake
i have no idea what you are talking about.
Copywriting? Song? I heard it from one of my freinds and put it here.
WAIT! flamethrower how old are you?
ANSWER ME!!!!!!!
No. That is private info.
hahahahahaa
here is a very bad joke:
Q:If a farmer cant find his tractor what does he say?
A: where is my tractor?
Q: What does he say when he finds it?
A:there’s my tractor!
That’s a TERRIBLE joke.
Here’s a joke: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Haha!
Hi Cheesie,
Really Uncle Buds joke isn’t really a joke.
That’s really true. That’s why we all think it isn’t very funny.
A man from China does not know how to speak English but he has to move to USA.So he asks his friend how to speak English. His friend says, “Just keep answering ‘Yes’, ‘No’ and ‘Very Good'” So he went to USA. One day a man watch was stolen. The police asks him, “Did you steal the watch?” “Yes!” he replies. “Hand over the watch!” says the police. Then he says, “No!” “Hand over the watch or I will take you to jail!” “Very good!” he says. So he’s brought to jail.
Not very good advice, I guess.
I have one!
Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink!
What color were the stairs?
A: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one story house!
HA!
Why didn’t the teddy bear finish his dinner ???????
Because he was stuffed !!!
HA!
I think this is the joke, so a baby gets left alone, and the parents are out shopping, so the baby farts, and watches T.V.Then when the parens get back….the baby made a huge mess and then the parents ask evereybody to baby sit him, I know it’s not a funny joke but still.
It’s very not funny, Jin.
hey say this joke outloud to someone and they will be really confused
Q:you have 30 cows in a field and 20 ate chickens how many didn’t?
A:10
they wont get it cuz when you say 20 ate chickens it sounds like your saying the number 28
HA!
I like this joke.It is very funny!
Sorry, i accidently pressed wrongly, pleasereply me
A family of tomatoeswere walking down the street, but the baby tomato was very slow, what did the ffather tomato say to the baby tomato? Answer: Ketchup!
Hee hee. Did you know ketchup was a Chinese invention?
1:why can’t Mexicans cross the boarder in groups
Of three? Because it says no TRESpassing! 2:why did the rabbit
Cross the road? The chicken was sick! 3: why should you
Not let a robber drive a train? They are POOR conductors!
, Kyle f
Haha!
Q-What’s 0 divided by 0?
A- you have 0 cookies to share with 0 friends. How many cookies does each friend get? See it doesn’t make sense. And cookie monster is sad that there is no cookies and you are sad that you have no friends
I will have to ask Glenn about this.
I don’t want to sound like a strict spelling & grammer teacher, but there’s a typo. You put “Glann” instead of Glenn.
Fixed. Thanks.
YOU CAN’T DIVIDE BY 0, IT’S A GENERAL RULE OF MATH!
A woman drives by with a truck full of penguins.
The man in the sports car next to her says “Penguins don’t belong in trucks. Why don’t you take them to the aquarium?”
The woman says “Okay.”
The next day, the same woman drives by with all the penguins in her truck again and the same man says “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the aquarium.”
The woman says “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”
Ha! I like it.
In class: Teacher: 2+2=4 Kid: Mrs., we are fourth graders. We need something easier.
Homework: 779+562-139= ? Teacher: was that hard? Kid: no.
The test: With one sheep yellow, the other headed right, how much does a pound of asphalt cost, given that the cow is 10 years old? Kid: that doesn’t make any sense. Teacher: I know. I just wanted to mess with you.
I like the last one a lot!
Thanks!!
Bo-ring!
I feel bad for the kitten!
Except that it’s just a joke…
that was funny and bad. like chuggaconroys puns:]
What does A vampire give you in the winter?
……………………………………
A frost bite!
……………………………………
(If you have a vampire costume let me know it will help you in the point battle. )
That’s cold, man.
UMM………..
What is racecar spelled backwards?
Racecar!
………………………..oh i get it. (the phrase “race car” is a palindrome(a palindrome is a word or phrase that says the same thing when read backwards.(example: pop, mom, dad, rotator, Otto… the list goes on and on.)))
same with the year 1991
Here’s something cool my dad told me. 1961 was the last upside-down-backwards year. And the one before that was 1881. And the next one won’t occur until 6009!
No, really!
Hope you like it!
Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side!
How did the otter know which side was the otter side? Maybe the otter was already on the otter side and the otter side was not on the otter side, but really on the side he was already on. Otterwise he would’ve made a trip for nothing. Some otters are not very wise, I guess.
Really?!
Thanks!
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in and you’ll see.
Haha.
What has roads but no cars, forests but no trees, houses but no people?
Hint: It’s PAM spelled backwards!
It’s MAP!
Duh!
A man is listening to a conversation between a woman and her mother. He hears the woman say happy 50th birthday, when she really said happy 40th birthday. so he goes up to the woman and say “you look 40”
I know. Hilarious
It’s just mishearing!
Why don’t you hear a pterdactyl in the bathroom? Because the p/pee is silent!
Did I see the word pee?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
That a great riddle!
LAME!!!!!!!!!!(no offense but that’s just the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.)
Not lame, IMO. I think it’s a very good riddle
Hi I love ur book cool in a duel please respond
Thanks, Madeleine!
Why did the chicken cross the PLAYGROUND?!?!?!?
To get to the other slide (i know its bad)
I like it!
That was ok
It’s not bad!
hi Cheesie I think a joke could be…
why did the banana go to the hospital?
cause he wasn’t PEELING good
That is terrific! I LOL’d.
I know!
We’ll y didn’t Georgie do it
He could have, I guess, but don’t you think it worked out better without a punch in the nose?
Wait
Cheesie
When Kevin was doing the cool duel y didn’t you just punch him in the face
You would have gotten so many cool points from his screaming
Except he is hugely bigger than I am, so that strategy would have not ended well…I am sure.
What so you call a running chicken
Fast food
lol
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET SCIENCED RENEE
2 guys walked into a bar.
One asked for H2O. The other said, H20, too, please!
The second guy died.
Why?
Because the bartender thought he said H202, which is acid.
__________________________________________________________________________
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his dad’s cherry tree, he also confessed. Now, Bob, do u see y he was not punished?
Bob: Because George still had the ax in his hand….. XD
Actually, I looked H2O2 up…and it’s hydrogen peroxide, not acid. It wouldn’t taste very good, but I don’t think it would kill.
H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide.
Why did the hamburger go a run?
To get better buns
This joke is so good, it belongs in my third book, Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
Uncle Bud tells the same joke every year at the first campfire, so every returning camper knows it by heart. And just before he gets to the end, we always interrupt by yelling out the punch line and laughing hysterically.
Stupid and Manners are brothers. One day Manners is missing.The policeman has a conversation with Stupid.
“Your name?”
“Stupid.”
“HOW RUDE!WHERE’S YOUR MANNERS?”
“Manners is missing!”
heehee
A man walked into a restaurant.
customer: Do you serve lobsters?
waiter: of course sir, we serve everyone!
HA! What a good restaurant!
Best joke Ever!!!
Really?
I guess if you’ve heard it a 1000 times like I have, it gets less funny.
two men go hunting. the first gets a heart attack and drops dead. the second calls 911. the hunter says “my friend just got a heart attack and dropped dead”. the operator replies “okay, calm down, first we have to make sure that he is dead”. there is a short silence then the operator hears a gunshot. “now what” the hunter asks…
That’s sick.
But funny.
A good joke is: Knock-knock. Who’s there? Cook. Cook who? Are you as crazy as you sound?!?!?!
Ha!
Who built the first plane that couldn’t fly?
Give up? The Wrong Brothers
I don’t know their first names, but their initials were:
I. M. Wrong
and
U. R. Wrong
Ok, I got a short one, so he can have a compilation.
There are 10 types of people in the world. One understands binary and the other doesn’t. Don’t get it? 10 in binary means 2.
I get it! It’s a math joke.
What’s the difference between a piano , a tuna and a pot of glue?
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna
What about the pot of glue?
I knew you’d get stuck there!
What’s the difference between an onion and homework?
Nobody cries when you cut up homework!
Ha! I like ’em.
joke #1:kinda funny…
joke #2:not funny at ALL.
This is lame Cheesie Your Funnier
That’s a short story not a joke.
I think you’re right.
A girl walks into the store . A server asks “what do you want to drink?”the girl asks “do you have milkshakes ?”The server says “No, but I do have a cow
That’s as weak as Uncle Bud’s joke!
Cheesie’s right!
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she will Let it go.
Funny joke hahaha
I’ve got one! A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, and the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says, “NO, we don’t sell grapes,”so the duck leaves the store. The next day the duck goes to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager is furious now and says, “NO, WE DO NOT SELL GRAPES! IF YOU COME BACK AND ASK IF WE SELL GRAPES AGAIN, I’LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE FLOOR!” The next day the duck goes back to the same store and says to the manager, “Exscuse me, do you sell nails at this store?” The manager says, “No we don’t sell nails.” The duck replies, “That’s good. Do you sell grapes?”
You totally nailed that one!
THAT IS COPY WRITING FLAMETHROWER NO COPYWRITING OR ELSE ILL THE PERSON WHO MADE THAT SONG IS GONNA COPY RIGHT CHEESIE’S BOOK OR SUE HIM.
no ill that was a mistake
i have no idea what you are talking about.
Copywriting? Song? I heard it from one of my freinds and put it here.
WAIT! flamethrower how old are you?
ANSWER ME!!!!!!!
No. That is private info.
hahahahahaa
here is a very bad joke:
Q:If a farmer cant find his tractor what does he say?
A: where is my tractor?
Q: What does he say when he finds it?
A:there’s my tractor!
That’s a TERRIBLE joke.
Here’s a joke: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Haha!
Hi Cheesie,
Really Uncle Buds joke isn’t really a joke.
That’s really true. That’s why we all think it isn’t very funny.
A man from China does not know how to speak English but he has to move to USA.So he asks his friend how to speak English. His friend says, “Just keep answering ‘Yes’, ‘No’ and ‘Very Good'” So he went to USA. One day a man watch was stolen. The police asks him, “Did you steal the watch?” “Yes!” he replies. “Hand over the watch!” says the police. Then he says, “No!” “Hand over the watch or I will take you to jail!” “Very good!” he says. So he’s brought to jail.
Not very good advice, I guess.
I have one!
Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink!
What color were the stairs?
A: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one story house!
HA!
Why didn’t the teddy bear finish his dinner ???????
Because he was stuffed !!!
HA!
I think this is the joke, so a baby gets left alone, and the parents are out shopping, so the baby farts, and watches T.V.Then when the parens get back….the baby made a huge mess and then the parents ask evereybody to baby sit him, I know it’s not a funny joke but still.
It’s very not funny, Jin.
hey say this joke outloud to someone and they will be really confused
Q:you have 30 cows in a field and 20 ate chickens how many didn’t?
A:10
they wont get it cuz when you say 20 ate chickens it sounds like your saying the number 28
HA!
I like this joke.It is very funny!
Sorry, i accidently pressed wrongly, pleasereply me
A family of tomatoeswere walking down the street, but the baby tomato was very slow, what did the ffather tomato say to the baby tomato? Answer: Ketchup!
Hee hee. Did you know ketchup was a Chinese invention?
1:why can’t Mexicans cross the boarder in groups
Of three? Because it says no TRESpassing! 2:why did the rabbit
Cross the road? The chicken was sick! 3: why should you
Not let a robber drive a train? They are POOR conductors!
, Kyle f
Haha!
Q-What’s 0 divided by 0?
A- you have 0 cookies to share with 0 friends. How many cookies does each friend get? See it doesn’t make sense. And cookie monster is sad that there is no cookies and you are sad that you have no friends
I will have to ask Glenn about this.
I don’t want to sound like a strict spelling & grammer teacher, but there’s a typo. You put “Glann” instead of Glenn.
Fixed. Thanks.
YOU CAN’T DIVIDE BY 0, IT’S A GENERAL RULE OF MATH!
A woman drives by with a truck full of penguins.
The man in the sports car next to her says “Penguins don’t belong in trucks. Why don’t you take them to the aquarium?”
The woman says “Okay.”
The next day, the same woman drives by with all the penguins in her truck again and the same man says “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the aquarium.”
The woman says “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”
Ha! I like it.
In class: Teacher: 2+2=4 Kid: Mrs., we are fourth graders. We need something easier.
Homework: 779+562-139= ? Teacher: was that hard? Kid: no.
The test: With one sheep yellow, the other headed right, how much does a pound of asphalt cost, given that the cow is 10 years old? Kid: that doesn’t make any sense. Teacher: I know. I just wanted to mess with you.
I like the last one a lot!
Thanks!!
Bo-ring!
I feel bad for the kitten!
Except that it’s just a joke…
that was funny and bad. like chuggaconroys puns:]
What does A vampire give you in the winter?
……………………………………
A frost bite!
……………………………………
(If you have a vampire costume let me know it will help you in the point battle. )
That’s cold, man.
UMM………..
What is racecar spelled backwards?
Racecar!
………………………..oh i get it. (the phrase “race car” is a palindrome(a palindrome is a word or phrase that says the same thing when read backwards.(example: pop, mom, dad, rotator, Otto… the list goes on and on.)))
same with the year 1991
Here’s something cool my dad told me. 1961 was the last upside-down-backwards year. And the one before that was 1881. And the next one won’t occur until 6009!
No, really!
Hope you like it!
Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side!
How did the otter know which side was the otter side? Maybe the otter was already on the otter side and the otter side was not on the otter side, but really on the side he was already on. Otterwise he would’ve made a trip for nothing. Some otters are not very wise, I guess.
Really?!
Thanks!
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in and you’ll see.
Haha.
What has roads but no cars, forests but no trees, houses but no people?
Hint: It’s PAM spelled backwards!
It’s MAP!
Duh!
A man is listening to a conversation between a woman and her mother. He hears the woman say happy 50th birthday, when she really said happy 40th birthday. so he goes up to the woman and say “you look 40”
I know. Hilarious
It’s just mishearing!
Why don’t you hear a pterdactyl in the bathroom? Because the p/pee is silent!
Did I see the word pee?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
That a great riddle!
LAME!!!!!!!!!!(no offense but that’s just the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.)
Not lame, IMO. I think it’s a very good riddle
Hi I love ur book cool in a duel please respond
Thanks, Madeleine!
Why did the chicken cross the PLAYGROUND?!?!?!?
To get to the other slide (i know its bad)
I like it!
That was ok
It’s not bad!
hi Cheesie I think a joke could be…
why did the banana go to the hospital?
cause he wasn’t PEELING good
That is terrific! I LOL’d.
I know!
We’ll y didn’t Georgie do it
He could have, I guess, but don’t you think it worked out better without a punch in the nose?
Wait
Cheesie
When Kevin was doing the cool duel y didn’t you just punch him in the face
You would have gotten so many cool points from his screaming
Except he is hugely bigger than I am, so that strategy would have not ended well…I am sure.
What so you call a running chicken
Fast food
lol
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET SCIENCED RENEE
2 guys walked into a bar.
One asked for H2O. The other said, H20, too, please!
The second guy died.
Why?
Because the bartender thought he said H202, which is acid.
__________________________________________________________________________
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his dad’s cherry tree, he also confessed. Now, Bob, do u see y he was not punished?
Bob: Because George still had the ax in his hand….. XD
Actually, I looked H2O2 up…and it’s hydrogen peroxide, not acid. It wouldn’t taste very good, but I don’t think it would kill.
H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide.
Why did the hamburger go a run?
To get better buns
This joke is so good, it belongs in my third book, Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
I don’t get it.