Book 1

Mystery, mice, and money at the end of fifth grade!

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Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

Here are all the links I promised I would put on my website:

  1. Tell me if you liked this book… or if you didn’t… or whatever.
  2. Unusual grandparent nicknames.
  3. Countries with money that doesn’t break into hundredths.
  4. Guess what it will cost to mail a letter fifty years from now.
  5. Images of cool stamps and your made-up captions to go with them.
  6. Anything about frog and toad leg lengths.
  7. Excellent rodent jokes to add to my collection.
  8. Have you seen a vampire or, even better, been bitten by one?
  9. The answer to my puzzle: eighty-three cents in four U.S. coins.
  10. Cool words that sound like what they mean.
  11. Which three words is “skivolvunged” a combo of?
  12. Vote for your favorite food.
  13. How to toss things over your head backward with your toes.
  14. Other names for sow bugs… and my science report.
  15. What was the evidence in Goon’s pocket?
  16. Glenn Philips’ “a half of a time” explanation.
  17. Determining if Glenora Jean Prott was a Ms. or a Mrs.
  18. Cheesie’s and Georgie’s junk food presentation.
  19. Six U.S. pennies minted in 1909.
  20. The Harder/Bigger Word Game (THABIWOGA). [It doesn’t work. I’m a dud!]
  21. The title of my next book.
  22. Do you know why Eureka was dented into the paper in the envelope?
  23. All about my last birthday party… and tell me about yours.
  24. Where to say hi. Or leave a comment. (I hope you do!)

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

The Original Cover

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or AnythingThe original cover of this book—and Book 2—(both illustrated by Adam McCauley) have been replaced by new ones (illustrated by Douglas Holgate) because the people who publish my books thought my covers would look better with much bigger pictures of me. (Don’t start saying I’m conceited. It wasn’t my idea.)

There are lots of characters in my books, and most of them were pictured on the original covers. If you don’t know who everyone is, click here for a rundown.

Read more→

Part of my book you can read now!

Excerpted from: Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

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CHAPTER 2:
My Best Friend Screams

The phone call was from Georgie Sinkoff, my best friend.

“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” he screamed into my ear before I could finish saying hello. And then he hung up on me.

I ran outside, yelled to Mom where I was going, and sprinted into the gully behind my house, which is in Gloucester, Massachusetts, where I have lived my whole life.

If you don’t know where Massachusetts is, look in the upper right-hand corner of the United States.

I left Alaska out because it’s too big.

Mass (sometimes we call it that) is a small state.

Map of the US with a star on Massachusets

Only six states are smaller. Even Hawaii is bigger, but it’s kind of cheating because lots of Hawaii is ocean. I have a U.S. map on my bedroom wall, and because I look at it every night before I turn out my light, I have almost memorized it.

Gloucester (people here say GLAH-stah… weird, huh?) is the oldest fishing port in America. It was founded in 1623, only three years after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, which is also in Massachusetts somewhere. I have never seen Plymouth Rock, but rocks last almost forever, so I guess it’s still there.

Georgie and I live less than a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, in a neighborhood of big, old houses. Not old like Pilgrims, but Granpa says our house is older than he is, and I know he is way more than seventy. (He does not celebrate his birthday, and I don’t even know when it is. He won’t tell.)

Our houses are three blocks apart if you use the streets, but Georgie and I only go that way if we’re on our bikes. There’s a scrawny little stream in a scrawny little gully that separates our backyards, and it is so narrow that last year Georgie launched a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, where my sister was playing with her friends.

I told you he has terrific ideas!

Of course I was in Georgie’s bedroom at the time, but on purpose here’s what I did not do:

  1. I did not fill the balloon with pudding.
  2. I did not touch Georgie’s huge slingshot.
  3. I did not help pull back the rubber part.

I did not do any of these things so that if Mom or someone asked, I would not have to lie. I did help aim it, kind of. When the pudding bomb landed and splashed chocolate on you-know-who, the girls screamed like the universe was exploding—and even though we got yelled at, it was cool.

Georgie launching a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, onto my sister's head.

I trotted through the gully on the path that Georgie and I made, then up the other side and through the won’t-close-gate into his backyard. Once inside his back door—I never have to knock—I yelled for him. He yelled back from the basement.

I walked down the stairs. They creaked and squeaked like in horror movies. (I’m not trying to scare you—it’s just one of the details I remember.)

His house, like mine, is really old. The basement and stairs are made out of wood, and the floor is mostly dirt except for the concrete part where Mr. Sinkoff keeps his tools.

I could see a shadow moving on the basement floor, so I knew Georgie was directly beneath me, under the stairs. When I reached the bottom, Georgie stepped out and grabbed me, talking real fast.

“I found something big! Really big!”

There were cobwebs in his hair. He had one hand behind his back.

I have known Georgie my whole life. We have always been best friends… except for the time in third grade when he called me Dumbo Ears. (This is really the last time I am going to mention my ears!)

GeorgieGeorgie has reddish-brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, braces, and really cool glasses with bright red rims. He is already eleven and is almost twice my size. He is good at games where being big is an advantage, like basketball and football. My best sports are soccer and baseball because I am wicked fast and very excellent at catching flies.

I have brown hair, brown eyes, and a whitish scar on my thumb where a fishhook stabbed me when I was on a lake with my dad. I was eight and fooling around. Don’t ask.Cheesie

Georgie and I go to the same school, have always had the same teacher, and in the summer, always go to camp in Maine.

“I was down here looking for black widow spiders,” Georgie continued. “I figured if I caught one in a jar, we could use it to scare your sister. But this”—

Georgie brought his arm around and held up a yellowed envelope with one corner ripped off—”was completely hidden between those two boards.” He pointed under the stairs, but I took my eyes off the envelope for only a second. “It’s addressed to my house, but the name is”—he squinted at the envelope—”G. J. Prott.”

“Probably there was somebody named G. J. Prott who lived here before you guys,” I said. Georgie nodded. “Look what was in the envelope!”

He held out a piece of paper folded up small, then opened it. Inside were a silvery metal heart on a silvery metal chain and one penny.

“A penny? Not exactly treasure, Georgie.”

“Yeah, but this necklace is probably real silver. And what if there’s more hidden stuff? Like gold and diamonds.”

I picked up the necklace and held it high between us. The lightbulb on the basement rafters was not very bright, but the heart sparkled as it spun slowly.

“I bet a hypnotist could use this to hypnotize people,” I said.

Georgie didn’t say anything. Maybe I’d sort of hypnotized him.

I placed the heart necklace back on the paper in Georgie’s hand and examined the coin. The back looked a lot different from any other penny I’d ever seen, but the front had the same face on it: Abraham Lincoln, our sixteenth president.

(Glenn Philips, the smartest kid in my class, can name all the presidents and all the vice presidents. In order!)

I looked at the date on the coin. “This penny was made in 1909.”A really old penny! (From 1909)

That snapped Georgie out of his trance. He grabbed the penny and peered at it closely. “That means it’s over a hundred years old.”

One of us said, “Whoa.”

I don’t remember who.


End of Book One ExcerptOrder Your Copy
Read from Book Two: Cheesie Mack Is Cool In A Duel
Read from Book Three: Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
Read from Book Four: Cheesie Mack Is Not Exactly Famous
Read from Book Five: Cheesie Mack Is Sort Of Freaked Out


end of excerpt

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

is available in the following formats:

Random House

May 22, 2011

ISBN-10: 0375864377

ISBN-13: 9780375864377

→ As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. I also may use affiliate links elsewhere in my site.

What People Are Saying About My Book:

Read or write reviews on Goodreads →

“Fifth-grader Ronald “Cheesie” Mack’s problems (like how to outsmart his evil older sister) may be ordinary, but in the hands of first-time author Cotler they’re plenty entertaining. Playful use of language. Many entertaining bit characters. Cotler blatantly sets readers up for Cheesie’s next adventure; after this installment, they’ll be ready for it.”

Publishers Weekly

“Ronald “Cheesie” Mack and his best friend, Georgie, are about to graduate fifth grade and embark on the best summer ever. Readers will be happy to learn that Cotler’s debut is the first in a new series. Cheesie chattily narrates his own story; his voice rings true, and the other characters are a gently quirky, appealing lot. His periodic invitations to read posts on or add stories to the CheesieMack.com website will hook denizens of the digital generation.”

Kirkus Reviews

“Ronald, aka Cheesie, Mack is looking forward to a summer of scheming with his best friend, Georgie, terrorizing his sister June “the Goon,” and finally attending camp with Georgie as cool older campers. [T]hen Georgie finds an old letter containing a century-old penny and a locket, a mystery that eventually leads the pals to the Haunted Toad, a local rundown mansion. This is Cheesie’s story, and his easygoing, accessible voice will certainly appeal to middle-grade readers. From the plot to unleash mouse madness at the school graduation to his obsession with besting his older sister, the action here is all fun and games.”

Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books

“Ronald Mack—better known as “Cheesie”—is an almost-11-year-old with a knack for silliness and trouble. Cheesie’s best friend, Georgie, is with him every step of the way. When the boys find a mysterious envelope, they’re in for the adventure of a lifetime. [A] rollicking read.”

School Library Journal

Comments from my Readers & Friends

    1. I hope the scary parts are also funny, so that you kind of like to be scared. That’s what Georgie and I like.

    1. It all depends on how many adventures I have that I want to write about. Right now I’ve finished two, and I’ve begun writing a third one.

    2. Yeah, but they’ve got lots of other books and business and stuff. I don’t think I can speed anything up…sorry.

  1. Guess what Cheesie? Im really short too. My best sport is football because i can dodge the tackles. What’s your favorite/best sport?

    1. That’s cool. I’m pretty good at swimming. But I stink at baseball.

  2. Cheesie, I loved your book! When I got it from the library, I couldn’t wait to read it! When I came upstairs to read it my DAD was reading it! He said it was really good. I read the whole thing in 2 hours it was so good. Can’t wait ’till your next book! P.S. Please write back that would be awesool. ( Awesome and cool combined)

    1. Shweet! ( Not really a mix of two words. I just like adding the “H”!)

  3. Dear Cheesie.I like your book. And I cant wait until your next book. My last name is McIntosh and my dad calls me squeezy mack. My dads name is scott. I am 8. I got your book from Scottsdale Arizona.But I live in Canada.I made up my own word called terrifical. It means terrific and magical. I am a boy if you were wondering.Write me back if you want to.Goodbye Cheesie.

    1. Squeezy Mack! It rhymes! I like it. It’s a terrifical name. (I’m going to put terrifical in my Cool Words webpage.

  4. I loved this book! I have read a lot of books and this one is probally on my top 10 favorite books. I love Cheesie’s made-up-words because I love making up words!It is so fantabulus (fantastic and fabulus)!!! Also,I collect coins so I found the part about the penny really oolintresting (cool and intresting)!!!Keep writing,Cheesie Mack!!!

    1. FROM CHEESIE’S MOTHER:
      1) If you want a reply, that’s the only way to be notified.
      2) Cheesie’s website does not keep your email address.
      3) Cheesie will never give out your email address to others…or sell it…or do anything bad with it.
      4) A valid email address eliminates most SPAMMY comments.
      You don’t have to put in an address, but if you don’t, there is a good chance your comment will be rejected as SPAM.
      —Edith E. Mack (Cheesie’s Mother)

  5. I loved your book so much!!1 i am buying it today!!! today you are coming to my class im super excited!!! WOO HOO!!! your book was soooo funny!! please continue writing your fabulous books!! good luck!! you are going to be a wonderful author!!! not like u arent now!! you are such a good author…..you know what i mean

  6. Your book is soo awesome!!! Your are coming to our class today and I am so excited!!!! 🙂 I even ordered the signed copy of your book and I can’t wait to get it!!!!!! 🙂

  7. i really like your book. We are reading it and its really good so far. You are coming to are class at Loma Verde Today. I am really excited to meet you. I will see you at 11:15 today in Miss Golden’s 5th grade class.
    🙂

  8. we are glad you are coming to are school! ;*[]
    we all like your book. 8{}

  9. LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!! CHEESIE’S GOT A SIDE OF COOL AND KNOWLEDGE MAKING HIM THE EXACT GUY TO COME WITH!!!!!!!!!

  10. My brother just finished reading the book and he went on the website.But he didn’t comment:(

  11. i go to blossom hill and you read us some of your book i can’t wait to read it!

  12. I loved it!!! In my class at Blossom Hill School we just finished reading it. After we finished, we saw Steve Cotler’s awesome presiontation. Does anyone know how to spell presiontation?

  13. We just finished reading your book, and in 15 minutes we get to meet you and tell you how much we liked it!!! We can’t wait for your next book to come out. We don’t know anyone who has seen, or has been bitten by, a vampire…. and thanks for the BLART sandwich idea, we can’t wait to try one!

    1. What a great group of kids. Cheesie likes Mr. Houg’s class. (And Mr. Houg, too!)

  14. I loved your book!!!!!!! it was super good and I can’t wait until the next one comes out! Yay!

  15. I love your book it was really good. We finished it today and you are coming to our school tomorrow. 🙂

    1. I completely agree. I never knew anything about that stuff before Georgie found the envelope.

  16. Hey cheesie,
    I wish you could come to my school.Then you should stay for the whole day and kill some class time!(My school is Academy Avenue School in Weymouth MA)

  17. I loved your book! OMG, can’t wait for the second one! I just finished it and as soon as I did, I ran to my computer and went on your website 🙂

    1. Thanks! Did you notice that my grandparents, Gumpy and Meemo, live in New Haven, CT. I live in Massachusetts, and my second book mostly takes place in Maine.

    1. Ha! Me, too. Cherry is my favorite…but I also really like lemon meringue pie and…and…and…
      Actually, I like almost every kind of pie, even rhubarb!
      But cherry is numero uno for me.

    2. I like rhubarb and apple pie.My mom makes the best cakes and pies.Just not cookies

  18. Hi im in Stephanie Eggerts (she won your daughters contest to get a free copie of Cheesie Mack)she said you said you’d come next fall to our school named Frontier in Hanford,CA.

    1. I will be there! I am planning a big trip to lots of places in California’s Central Valley in the fall. Hanford will be on the list!

  19. My teacher is reading your book it is very funny she won it on a contest on Fackbook her name is Mrs.Magnet

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