#2-Uncle Bud’s joke

Uncle Bud’s Joke (not so funny)

Uncle Bud tells the same joke every year at the first campfire, so every returning camper knows it by heart. And just before he gets to the end, we always interrupt by yelling out the punch line and laughing hysterically.

Here it is. But I warn you, it’s only funny if you’ve heard it a million times.

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A man went into a restaurant with a gigantic, sharp-toothed monster on a leash.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” the waiter said, “Your creature looks extremely dangerous. You’ll have to tie him up outside.”

So the man took his monster outside and tied him to a post, then came back inside and ordered dinner. Just as he took the first bite, a little girl came into the restaurant and asked, “Does that terrible monster outside belong to anyone in here?”

illustration by Georgie Sinkoff

“It’s mine,” said the man. “Is there a problem?”

“Well, I’m really sorry,” the little girl said, “But my tiny little kitten just killed him.”

“Killed him!?” The man shouted. “How?”

“She choked him,” the little girl replied.

The man waved his arms in the air and asked loudly, “How could your tiny little kitten choke my great big monster?”

The little girl looked at the man and said, “She got stuck in his throat.”

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Uncle Bud needs a new joke. If you know a better joke or a worse joke, please tell it to me.

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. I’ve got one! A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, and the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says, “NO, we don’t sell grapes,”so the duck leaves the store. The next day the duck goes to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager is furious now and says, “NO, WE DO NOT SELL GRAPES! IF YOU COME BACK AND ASK IF WE SELL GRAPES AGAIN, I’LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE FLOOR!” The next day the duck goes back to the same store and says to the manager, “Exscuse me, do you sell nails at this store?” The manager says, “No we don’t sell nails.” The duck replies, “That’s good. Do you sell grapes?”

  2. here is a very bad joke:
    Q:If a farmer cant find his tractor what does he say?
    A: where is my tractor?
    Q: What does he say when he finds it?
    A:there’s my tractor!

  3. A man from China does not know how to speak English but he has to move to USA.So he asks his friend how to speak English. His friend says, “Just keep answering ‘Yes’, ‘No’ and ‘Very Good'” So he went to USA. One day a man watch was stolen. The police asks him, “Did you steal the watch?” “Yes!” he replies. “Hand over the watch!” says the police. Then he says, “No!” “Hand over the watch or I will take you to jail!” “Very good!” he says. So he’s brought to jail.

  4. I have one!
    Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink!
    What color were the stairs?
    A: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one story house!

  5. I think this is the joke, so a baby gets left alone, and the parents are out shopping, so the baby farts, and watches T.V.Then when the parens get back….the baby made a huge mess and then the parents ask evereybody to baby sit him, I know it’s not a funny joke but still.

  6. hey say this joke outloud to someone and they will be really confused

    Q:you have 30 cows in a field and 20 ate chickens how many didn’t?
    A:10

    they wont get it cuz when you say 20 ate chickens it sounds like your saying the number 28

  7. A family of tomatoeswere walking down the street, but the baby tomato was very slow, what did the ffather tomato say to the baby tomato? Answer: Ketchup!

  8. 1:why can’t Mexicans cross the boarder in groups
    Of three? Because it says no TRESpassing! 2:why did the rabbit
    Cross the road? The chicken was sick! 3: why should you
    Not let a robber drive a train? They are POOR conductors!

    , Kyle f

  9. Q-What’s 0 divided by 0?
    A- you have 0 cookies to share with 0 friends. How many cookies does each friend get? See it doesn’t make sense. And cookie monster is sad that there is no cookies and you are sad that you have no friends

  10. A woman drives by with a truck full of penguins.
    The man in the sports car next to her says “Penguins don’t belong in trucks. Why don’t you take them to the aquarium?”
    The woman says “Okay.”
    The next day, the same woman drives by with all the penguins in her truck again and the same man says “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the aquarium.”
    The woman says “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”

  11. In class: Teacher: 2+2=4 Kid: Mrs., we are fourth graders. We need something easier.
    Homework: 779+562-139= ? Teacher: was that hard? Kid: no.
    The test: With one sheep yellow, the other headed right, how much does a pound of asphalt cost, given that the cow is 10 years old? Kid: that doesn’t make any sense. Teacher: I know. I just wanted to mess with you.