Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

  1. Tell me if you liked this book… or if you didn’t… or whatever.

  2. Images of cool stamps and your made-up captions to go with them.

  3. Vote for your favorite food.

  4. Six U.S. pennies minted in 1909.

  5. The title of my next book.

  6. Unusual grandparent nicknames.

  7. Excellent rodent jokes to add to my collection.

  8. Have you seen a vampire or, even better, been bitten by one?

  9. The answer to my puzzle: eighty-three cents in four U.S. coins.

  10. Cool words that sound like what they mean.

  11. Which three words is “skivolvunged” a combo of?

  12. Countries with money that doesn’t break into hundredths.

  13. How to toss things over your head backward with your toes.

  14. Other names for sow bugs… and my science report.

  15. What was the evidence in Goon’s pocket?

  16. Glenn Philips’ “a half of a time” explanation.

  17. Determining if Glenora Jean Prott was a Ms. or a Mrs.

  18. Cheesie’s and Georgie’s junk food presentation.

  19. Guess what it will cost to mail a letter fifty years from now.

  20. The Harder/Bigger Word Game (THABIWOGA). [It doesn’t work. I’m a dud!]

  21. Anything about frog and toad leg lengths.

  22. Do you know why Eureka was dented into the paper in the envelope?

  23. All about my last birthday party… and tell me about yours.

  24. Where to say hi. Or leave a comment. (I hope you do!)

Part of my book you can read now!

Excerpted from:
Cheesie Mack Is Not a Genius or Anything


Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or AnythingCHAPTER 2:
My Best Friend Screams

The phone call was from Georgie Sinkoff, my best friend.

“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” he screamed into my ear before I could finish saying hello. And then he hung up on me.

I ran outside, yelled to Mom where I was going, and sprinted into the gully behind my house, which is in Gloucester, Massachusetts, where I have lived my whole life.

If you don’t know where Massachusetts is, look in the upper right-hand corner of the United States.

I left Alaska out because it’s too big.

Mass (sometimes we call it that) is a small state.

Only six states are smaller. Even Hawaii is bigger, but it’s kind of cheating because lots of Hawaii is ocean. I have a U.S. map on my bedroom wall, and because I look at it every night before I turn out my light, I have almost memorized it.

Gloucester (people here say GLAH-stah… weird, huh?) is the oldest fishing port in America. It was founded in 1623, only three years after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, which is also in Massachusetts somewhere. I have never seen Plymouth Rock, but rocks last almost forever, so I guess it’s still there.

Georgie and I live less than a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, in a neighborhood of big, old houses. Not old like Pilgrims, but Granpa says our house is older than he is, and I know he is way more than seventy. (He does not celebrate his birthday, and I don’t even know when it is. He won’t tell.)

Our houses are three blocks apart if you use the streets, but Georgie and I only go that way if we’re on our bikes. There’s a scrawny little stream in a scrawny little gully that separates our backyards, and it is so narrow that last year Georgie launched a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, where my sister was playing with her friends.

I told you he has terrific ideas!

Of course I was in Georgie’s bedroom at the time, but on purpose here’s what I did not do:

1. I did not fill the balloon with pudding.

2. I did not touch Georgie’s huge slingshot.

3. I did not help pull back the rubber part.

I did not do any of these things so that if Mom or someone asked, I would not have to lie. I did help aim it, kind of. When the pudding bomb landed and splashed chocolate on you-know-who, the girls screamed like the universe was exploding—and even though we got yelled at, it was cool.

I trotted through the gully on the path that Georgie and I made, then up the other side and through the won’t-close-gate into his backyard. Once inside his back door—I never have to knock—I yelled for him. He yelled back from the basement.

I walked down the stairs. They creaked and squeaked like in horror movies. (I’m not trying to scare you—it’s just one of the details I remember.)

His house, like mine, is really old. The basement and stairs are made out of wood, and the floor is mostly dirt except for the concrete part where Mr. Sinkoff keeps his tools.

I could see a shadow moving on the basement floor, so I knew Georgie was directly beneath me, under the stairs. When I reached the bottom, Georgie stepped out and grabbed me, talking real fast.

“I found something big! Really big!”

There were cobwebs in his hair. He had one hand behind his back.

I have known Georgie my whole life. We have always been best friends… except for the time in third grade when he called me Dumbo Ears. (This is really the last time I am going to mention my ears!)

Georgie has reddish-brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, braces, and really cool glasses with bright red rims. He is already eleven and is almost twice my size. He is good at games where being big is an advantage, like basketball and football. My best sports are soccer and baseball because I am wicked fast and very excellent at catching flies.

I have brown hair, brown eyes, and a whitish scar on my thumb where a fishhook stabbed me when I was on a lake with my dad. I was eight and fooling around. Don’t ask.

Georgie and I go to the same school, have always had the same teacher, and in the summer, always go to camp in Maine.

“I was down here looking for black widow spiders,” Georgie continued. “I figured if I caught one in a jar, we could use it to scare your sister. But this”—

Georgie brought his arm around and held up a yellowed envelope with one corner ripped off—”was completely hidden between those two boards.” He pointed under the stairs, but I took my eyes off the envelope for only a second. “It’s addressed to my house, but the name is”—he squinted at the envelope—”G. J. Prott.”

“Probably there was somebody named G. J. Prott who lived here before you guys,” I said. Georgie nodded. “Look what was in the envelope!”

He held out a piece of paper folded up small, then opened it. Inside were a silvery metal heart on a silvery metal chain and one penny.

“A penny? Not exactly treasure, Georgie.”

“Yeah, but this necklace is probably real silver. And what if there’s more hidden stuff? Like gold and diamonds.”

I picked up the necklace and held it high between us. The lightbulb on the basement rafters was not very bright, but the heart sparkled as it spun slowly.

“I bet a hypnotist could use this to hypnotize people,” I said.

Georgie didn’t say anything. Maybe I’d sort of hypnotized him.

I placed the heart necklace back on the paper in Georgie’s hand and examined the coin. The back looked a lot different from any other penny I’d ever seen, but the front had the same face on it: Abraham Lincoln, our sixteenth president.

(Glenn Philips, the smartest kid in my class, can name all the presidents and all the vice presidents. In order!)

I looked at the date on the coin. “This penny was made in 1909.”

That snapped Georgie out of his trance. He grabbed the penny and peered at it closely. “That means it’s over a hundred years old.”

One of us said, “Whoa.”

I don’t remember who.

End of Book One ExcerptOrder Your Copy
Read from Book Two: Cheesie Mack Is Cool In A Duel
Read from Book Three: Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
Read from Book Four: Cheesie Mack Is Not Exactly Famous
Read from Book Five: Cheesie Mack Is Sort Of Freaked Out

The Original Cover

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or AnythingThe original cover of this book—and Book 2—(both illustrated by Adam McCauley) have been replaced by new ones (illustrated by Douglas Holgate) because the people who publish my books thought my covers would look better with much bigger pictures of me. (Don’t start saying I’m conceited. It wasn’t my idea.)

There are lots of characters in my books, and most of them were pictured on the original covers. If you don’t know who everyone is, click here for a rundown.

What People Are Saying About My Book:

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

“Fifth-grader Ronald “Cheesie” Mack’s problems (like how to outsmart his evil older sister) may be ordinary, but in the hands of first-time author Cotler they’re plenty entertaining. Playful use of language. Many entertaining bit characters. Cotler blatantly sets readers up for Cheesie’s next adventure; after this installment, they’ll be ready for it.”

— Publishers Weekly
(Read the whole review)

“Ronald “Cheesie” Mack and his best friend, Georgie, are about to graduate fifth grade and embark on the best summer ever. Readers will be happy to learn that Cotler’s debut is the first in a new series. Cheesie chattily narrates his own story; his voice rings true, and the other characters are a gently quirky, appealing lot. His periodic invitations to read posts on or add stories to the website will hook denizens of the digital generation.”

— Kirkus Reviews
(Read the whole review)

“Ronald, aka Cheesie, Mack is looking forward to a summer of scheming with his best friend, Georgie, terrorizing his sister June “the Goon,” and finally attending camp with Georgie as cool older campers. [T]hen Georgie finds an old letter containing a century-old penny and a locket, a mystery that eventually leads the pals to the Haunted Toad, a local rundown mansion. This is Cheesie’s story, and his easygoing, accessible voice will certainly appeal to middle-grade readers. From the plot to unleash mouse madness at the school graduation to his obsession with besting his older sister, the action here is all fun and games.”

— Bulletin of the Center for Children’s Books

“Ronald Mack—better known as “Cheesie”—is an almost-11-year-old with a knack for silliness and trouble. Cheesie’s best friend, Georgie, is with him every step of the way. When the boys find a mysterious envelope, they’re in for the adventure of a lifetime. [A] rollicking read.”

— School Library Journal
(Read the whole review)

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. I read your book yesterday. Cheesie, it’s a most excellent story with great and interesting people. It’s been a long time since I was in the 5th grade, but your stories brought back a lot of pretty vivid memories.

    I’m looking forward to reading your next book.

    • Thanks, Shannon. The cool thing about being in 5th grade is that everyone older than you has already done it, so they know all the stuff. Everyone except my Granpa. He says 5th did not exist when he was a kid! I gave him the squinty-evil-eye when he said that.

      • I read your first book in 5th grade and waiting for summer to read the next it’s more intristing that way 🙂

  2. Chessie Your book is awesome!I am not finished.I am on page 91.I Love gorgie .He is sooo awesome You are my icon.

      • Wow I wish I could read your next book now I finished the book it was soooooo good was the pizza party and camp fun I bet it was

        • The pizza party was super excellent (Georgie ate a lot!).

          Here’s what I wrote about camp in my second book: “It was terrific, scary, goofy, and weird, but not exactly in that order.”

          • Thanks.Tell June to suck it up and be nice to you.You are awesome.Do you like harry Potter.I do.Tell gorgie I would love to hang out with him and you.We could work on the the second book and play video games.The Haunted Toad is kind of haunted. So bye now

            p.s. Do you have a crush on Lana?

          • Jake–
            1. No one can tell June anything!
            2. I like Harry Potter, but I actually liked LORD of the RINGS more.
            3. Thanks for the offer to hang out and do things together. One of the best things about having a book and a website is making friends all over the country.
            4. I do NOT have a crush on anyone. Especially Lana!

        • Haha! Very funny, George (notice I did not write GEORGIE). You are a different George. I’m willing to believe you are awesome, too…but you’re NOT me!

          • You bet Iam. Yesirree! Georgie Sinkoff in person. And I am sitting in Cheesie bedroom rightnow.

          • if you get the chance, maybe tell Cheesie that the 31st Olympics are on.
            i’m watching it right now as i’m writing this comment.
            BTW, i made a spreadsheet with the results. when it’s complete, i’ll copy/paste it to the comment field.

        • I like Lord of the Rings better too! I’m reading the first book (Fellowship of the Rings) right now! Who is your favorite character? Have you watched the movie? The first part of The Hobbit? I’m sooo excited for the next part!

    • Thanks, Olivia! The girl on the bottom row of the front cover with the blond hair is Olivia. She was in my fifth grade class, but I didn’t write anything about her in my book.

  3. I like Cheesie and Georgie, and look forward to more stories! I especially like that Cheesie does the right thing, he’s my new hero!

  4. I LOVED YOUR BOOK SO MUCH! It is probally one of my favorite books. I really do hope you make a series of these books, about things or adventures cheesie and georgie have. I am in the Newbery club at my school and some of my friends have read your book and the LOVED it too! I hope that other kids in the future will LOVE your book just as much as I do.

    • Wow! Thanks, Bridget. You must’ve read the book really fast. I am really glad you like it. I hope your friends do, too.

  5. OMG, IMO you wrote a terrifadacious book! Read it all last night. This book is for all 11-year-olds in body, mind, or spirit. I’m 70 and loved it.

    • Thanks, Dee! I don’t think 70 is very old. My Granpa is way more than 70, and he has more energy than anyone I know!

  6. Hi Cheesie! I’m sure my students and I (I’m a Media Specialist!) will just love your book – it looks awesome! Wish I had an advance copy to read, so I could talk it up for you. 🙂

    • Where is your school? If it’s not too far away, maybe I could come to visit…and talk with the other kids about writing.

  7. I work with Julie Higgins at Blossom Hill and I run our Media Center here. I am looking forward to celebrating your book with our students when it comes out. Best Wishes!

  8. Congratulations, Steve!

    I wish I’d had this book when I was in the fifth grade. I’d have traded a “Tower Treasure” and three “Melted Coins” for it easily. And the name, the name. I believe Cheesie Mack will slip into the vernacular soon enough, silently, as though it had always been there. Neat, Steve. Really, really neat.

    Very best wishes for success. What a gift for kids! Beautiful.