#1-Junk Food Presentation

Georgie and I did an oral presentation in fifth grade about junk food. Like I wrote in Cheesie Mack Is Not a Genius or Anything, if you have to do an oral report, you have my permission to use this for your school presentation. (Tell me if you do by commenting below!) Of course you should tell your teacher that it comes from Cheesie Mack. Otherwise, it’s cheating… and, c’mon, you’ll probably get just as good a grade if you don’t cheat.

Here goes. I did the talking; Georgie did everything else.

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Boys and Girls of Ms. Higgins’ fifth-grade class:

Be sure to change this to your own teacher’s name and your grade!

You’ve probably heard that you should eat foods from all of the important Food Groups like vegetables, fruits, meats, grains, and other good stuff.

This is actually a picture of a bar of soap. I found it on the internet. I asked Mom to buy me one, but she said, "No way. Too weird." (If you think you can convince your mother, click the image.)

Georgie held up a large version that we had drawn of the food pyramid, like the one above, and pointed out the various food groups. Then he showed all the kids some food we’d taken from our cafeteria lunch: peas, an apple, and a half-eaten hot dog on a bun. (There were no bites taken when we left the cafeteria. I suspect Georgie!)

That’s true if you’re thinking about good health and stuff like that. But what about junk food? There are Food Groups for junk food, too. The four Junk Food Groups are Salt, Sugar, Grease, and Starch.

Georgie poured equal amounts of salt, sugar, cooking oil, and powdered mashed potatoes into a glass bowl and mixed it. It looked like glue. He tasted it (Georgie is very adventurous!), made a face, then dumped it into the trash.

The Perfect Junk Food should have lots of all four of the Junk Food Groups and not much other so-called good stuff like protein, fiber, or vitamins.

Georgie pulled beef jerky, a shredded wheat biscuit, and chewable Flintstones out of his pocket, put one of each in his mouth, chewed, and pretend-barfed a super-gross mouthful into the trash.

How about glazed donuts? That might be a good choice. They have huge amounts of Sugar, Grease, and Starch. Also, not much good stuff. That’s three of the all-important Junk Food Groups. But they don’t have anywhere near enough Salt to qualify as the Perfect Junk Food. You can try to fix that problem…

Georgie poured a huge amount of salt on a glazed donut, took a bite, made a face, and spit it out into the trash.

…but you probably won’t like the result. After extensive research, however, we discovered there is a lot of sugar in ketchup.

Nutrition mag

Georgie held up a squeeze bottle of ketchup and a copy of a nutrition magazine. There are lots of different nutrition magazines. You can find one in the public library. The nerdier the better. You don’t actually need to read it…just show it to your audience.

Therefore, the Perfect Junk Food is French fries with ketchup. Delicious, readily available almost everywhere, and with plenty of Salt, Sugar, Grease, and Starch…the perfect balance of all four Junk Food Groups.

Georgie held up a bag of fast food French fries, doused them with huge glops of ketchup and gobbled them down. The kids in your class will cheer.


Good luck! Let me know what you did and how it turned out.
Please comment below.

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  3. I certantly think that this is gross (I’m a girl,Doye)(Doye is my way of saying Duh)Cuz My Cusin He is six but really loves to do this he eats apples with ketchup!

  4. French fries are pretty darn tasty. When I went to Louisiana on vacation, I went to a restaurant that made the most amazing cheese fries you ever tasted with shredded parmesan and rosemary instead or goopy fake cheddar sauce and bacon.
    Although eve fries aren’t as great as profiteroles. They’re a type of dessert that are kind of like a cross between a doughnut hole and a hot fudge sundae. It’s a doughnut-like pastry filled with vanilla ice cream and topped with hot fudge. Do you think you (or Georgie) would ever want to try either of those?

  5. I would love to use it, but we don’t do oral reports at school, especially not with a partner. Besides, if we did do them, even though my teacher is really nice, she would probably figure it out and be angry at me.

  7. Here’s a ketchup joke: Q:One day a family of ketchup packets went for a walk, the baby ketchup fell behind and so his father told him to ‘ketchup’ LOL! this joke is so cold!

      • thank for laughing any way, you’re awesome -now, how many times have I said that on this website??? (I don’t know!)

  9. Does ketchup count as junk food?

    Here’s a joke:

    Q: “The ketchup ran in a race. It was in last place. There was one lap left. How could the ketchup win?”

    A: “It had to ketchup!”

    • There really is. Read the label. In fact, on my ketchup bottle it says sugar (corn syrup) is both the second and third ingredients. I just looked up ketchup/sugar online and found articles that say one-third of ketchup is sugar! Even more interesting, a teaspoon of ketchup has 20 calories and 16 of them come from sugar! There is lots of water in ketchup, too, so, maybe there is more sugar than tomato?

  11. I LLLOOOOVVVVEEE ketchup. My record is drinking 3 packets (including opening) in 7 seconds. Me and my friend dared each other to drink hot sauce. Both of us waved our hands frantically and speed walked to the water dispenser!

  16. Try making a donut with 100 boxes of sprinkles on them.After you will not want to eat a donut again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Bwahahahahahahahahahahah ok i am so weirded out right now so try it and you will know how good it is Bye

  18. I can eat anything people think i am disgusting mustard,ketchup and mayonnaise on a bagel