#3-Fish Jokes

Do You Know Any Good Fish Jokes?

Coach T told us a terrible joke about his name:

Why is there a fish on the floor?
Because the Tunavelov the table.

funny fish

That got me wondering if there were better fish jokes. There must be! If you know one, please tell it to me.

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. Hey cheesie call me pj here’s a joke you probably haven’t heard of before

    What do you call a fish who likes cheese a cheesie Mack.

  2. What is the strongest fish? A mussel!
    What fish is in the air after a rain storm? A rainbow trout!
    What fish is the funniest? A mahi mahi!
    What fish is always angry? A redfish!
    What fish is the hardest to tame? A bullshark!
    What fish is Cool in a duel? A swordfish!
    What fish is a good tool? A hammerhead!
    What fish is the most musical? A bass!

  3. Man is playing a piano.Woman comes by to hear.
    Woman hears a bump in the box part of piano.
    Woman:”What is that noise?”
    Man: “Go check.”
    Woman reaches into box and pulls out a fish.
    Woman:”What’s this?!”
    Man:”Piano tuna.Pay you tomorrow fish.”

  4. Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Mako.
    Mako who?
    Mako your mind! It’s been fifteen minutes already!

  5. What did the fish say when he posted bail? “I’m off the hook!”
    Why don’t fish like basketball? Cause they’re afraid of the net
    Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
    What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated
    What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!
    How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
    Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
    Why don’t fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.
    What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
    What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna
    Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
    What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.
    Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Good morning ladies.
    Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have some one thow it at you.
    How do you make a fish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale
    Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide.
    What do you call a lazy crayfish? Slobster
    How do shellfish get to the hospital? In a clambulance.
    Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
    Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he’s a bronze fish.
    What happens when you put nutella on salmon? You get salmonella
    What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod!
    Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? A: Tentacles.
    Q: How does a seahorse quickly get from one place to another? A: He scallops!
    Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
    Why are fish such intelligent creatures? Because they swim in schools!
    What fish goes up the river at 100mph? A motor pike!
    How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything!
    What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
    What do you get from a bad-tempered shark? As far away as possible!
    Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide!
    Where are most fish found? Between the head and the tail!
    How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed!
    Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row!
    What kind of fish plays the guitar? Bassist
    What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout? Monkfish!
    How do you keep a fish from smelling? Cut off his nose.
    What bit of fish doesn’t make sense? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding! What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings? A fish tank!
    What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish? Tsardines!
    What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
    Why are gold fish orange? The water makes them rusty!
    Who held the baby octopus to ransome? Squidnappers!
    What part of a fish weighs the most? It’s scales!
    What fish do road-menders use? Pneumatic krill!
    What is a trouts main job? To keep his daughter off the pole.
    What happens when sharks take their clothes off? They go sharkers!
    What game do fish like playing the most? Name that tuna!
    What do naked fish play with? Bare-a-cudas!
    What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon? An electric shark! What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh
    Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea? Jack the kipper!
    Have you heard about the Sauna that serves food? Their specialty is steamed mussels.
    What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune!
    Where do shellfish go to borrow money? To the prawn broker!
    What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse? The Codfather! What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys? He got lockjaw!
    Where do fish wash? In a river basin!
    What fish only swims at night? A starfish!
    What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab? Snappy answers.
    How do fish go into business? The start on a small scale!
    Which fish go to heaven when they die? Angelfish!
    Have you ever heard of the gold fish that went bankrupt? Now he’s a bronze fish What do you get when you cross a mink with an octopus? A coat of arms.
    What do you call a fish that can give you a face-lift? A plastic Sturgeon.
    What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
    Q: What is the most expensive kind of fish? A: a goldfish
    Where do you weigh whales? At a whale weigh station!
    How did the marine mollusk get into college? Apparently it got in on a scallopship! What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse! Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
    One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, I Hate 47% of You-ish
    There’s plenty of fish in the sea… Just be careful not to catch crabs.
    Two fish in a tank – one says to the other “Can you drive this thing?”
    Our asking, “Where is God?” is like a fish asking, “Where is water?”
    If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.
    Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Tell a man one of your long, pointless fishing stories, and he’ll never bother you again.
    There was a sale at the fish market today. I went to see what was the catch.
    Only Smart People Will Get This: 2+2= Fish, 3+3= Eight, 7+7= Triangle, 4+4 = Arrow, 8+8 = Butterfly

  6. Question: when one cat jumped off the boat how many were left.

    Answer: None, they were all copy cats