#2-Uncle Bud’s joke

Uncle Bud’s Joke (not so funny)

Uncle Bud tells the same joke every year at the first campfire, so every returning camper knows it by heart. And just before he gets to the end, we always interrupt by yelling out the punch line and laughing hysterically.

Here it is. But I warn you, it’s only funny if you’ve heard it a million times.

*     *     *     *     *

A man went into a restaurant with a gigantic, sharp-toothed monster on a leash.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” the waiter said, “Your creature looks extremely dangerous. You’ll have to tie him up outside.”

So the man took his monster outside and tied him to a post, then came back inside and ordered dinner. Just as he took the first bite, a little girl came into the restaurant and asked, “Does that terrible monster outside belong to anyone in here?”

illustration by Georgie Sinkoff

“It’s mine,” said the man. “Is there a problem?”

“Well, I’m really sorry,” the little girl said, “But my tiny little kitten just killed him.”

“Killed him!?” The man shouted. “How?”

“She choked him,” the little girl replied.

The man waved his arms in the air and asked loudly, “How could your tiny little kitten choke my great big monster?”

The little girl looked at the man and said, “She got stuck in his throat.”

*     *     *     *     *

Uncle Bud needs a new joke. If you know a better joke or a worse joke, please tell it to me.

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Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. Two guys go out to a restaurant. One falls in love with the other. The other rejects and calls the other gay. Why?

  2. My second joke:

    Q. I don’t have wings but I can cross a wide street without ever touching the ground. What am I?’
    A. A shout

  3. What did one leopard say to another leopard? Nope. Nope. Wanna know the answer? Is it just me, or does it feel like my skin is falling off?

    Don’t get it? In the bible, *religion alert* people with lepracy have been called leopards. (Leopracy is a highly contagious disease that eats away at your skin.)

    • Haha! You are are a comedian, alright.
      The disease is spelled LEPROSY, not LEPRACY. And the people who got it were called LEPERS, not LEOPARDS. And leprosy is not very contagious. I looked it up.
      But your joke is very FUNNY!

  4. (the teacher tells a kid to find the first 5 letters of the alphabet)
    (big brother is doing homework)
    kid: brother what is the first letter of the alphabet?
    bb (big brother): be quiet and go away
    kid: okay!
    (little brother is watching batman)
    kid: what is the second letter of the alphabet?
    lb (little brother): duh duh duh bat man!
    (kid goes to dad)
    kid: dad what is the third letter of the alphabet?
    (dad watching football)
    (dad team makes goal)
    dad: oh yeah!!!
    (kid goes to sister, who is watching a girly movie)
    kid: sis what is the forth letter of the alphabet?
    sis: go away not now
    (kid goes to ma who is watching a bird society video)
    kid: ma what is the fifth letter of the alphabet?
    ma: they all ate birds & flew away
    (kid goes to teacher)
    teacher: what is the first letter of the alphabet?
    kid: be quiet and go away
    teacher: excuse me! who do u think u are?
    kid: duh duh duh bat man!!!!!
    teacher: do u want to go to the princabale office?
    kid: oh yeah!!!!
    teacher: go to the princable now!
    kid: not right now go away
    (kid goes to princal office and looks at a bird picture)
    kid: they all ate worms and flew away!
    the end :)

  5. so an officer pulls up a man and says congratulations you just won 100,000,000 for being caught wearing your seatbelt what are you going to do with the money? well.. replies the man, I might go to driving school and get a drivers license. the lady next to him says oh don’t worry officer he acts like this when he’s drunk. the guy in the back seat says oh shoot! I knew we wouldn’t get too far with the stolen car. a man in the trunk says did we cross the border yet?

  6. to men walk into a bar.the first man says to the bartender “dont take a wodden nickel!” everyone laughs. the end.

  7. Q. A rooster lives really close to the US/Canada border, but he lives in Canada. He runs over to the US and lays an egg. Then he runs back to Canada. So which country does the egg actually belong to?

    A. Neither. Roosters don’t lay eggs, hens do!

  8. ok so a creeper (look it up on the internet if you dont know what it is) was at the shop to buy tnt and the cashier said: why dont you just blow up instead of using tnt? and the creeper said Why should i blow myself up? Imediently the creeper explodes destroying the store. my big brother telld me this joke all the time its not funny anymore


  9. I have a joke book with a joke thats not funny at all!!!!!

    How do you tell a rabbit from a gorilla?

    A rabbit doesn’t look like a gorilla.

    Its the worst joke in the world!!!!! :(

  10. Q In the world of elves who live in the united states there is a blue man lives in a green house,a green man lives in a blue house. A red man lives in a grey house, a grey man lives in a red house. a white man lives in a black house. Who lives in the white house?

    A The president

  11. Ok
    Q.Ur in a one story house and everything is blue
    The piano is blue, the table is blue, the couch is blue,
    What color are the stairs?
    A. It’s a one story house, there are no stairs!!!!!

  12. Q:You are in a room with indestructible walls, floor, and ceiling with no doors or windows. All you have is a chainsaw and a mirror. How do you get out?

    A:You cut the mirror in half because two halves make a hole (whole)