Uncle Bud’s Joke (not so funny)

Illustration of Uncle Bud, winkingUncle Bud tells the same joke every year at the first campfire, so every returning camper knows it by heart. And just before he gets to the end, we always interrupt by yelling out the punch line and laughing hysterically.

Here it is. But I warn you, it’s only funny if you’ve heard it a million times.

A man went into a restaurant with a gigantic, sharp-toothed monster on a leash.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” the waiter said, “Your creature looks extremely dangerous. You’ll have to tie him up outside.”

So the man took his monster outside and tied him to a post, then came back inside and ordered dinner. Just as he took the first bite, a little girl came into the restaurant and asked, “Does that terrible monster outside belong to anyone in here?”

Drawing of a gigantic, sharp-toothed monster on a leash next to a kitten
illustration by Georgie Sinkoff

“It’s mine,” said the man. “Is there a problem?”

“Well, I’m really sorry,” the little girl said, “But my tiny little kitten just killed him.”

“Killed him!?” The man shouted. “How?”

“She choked him,” the little girl replied.

The man waved his arms in the air and asked loudly, “How could your tiny little kitten choke my great big monster?”

The little girl looked at the man and said, “She got stuck in his throat.”

Uncle Bud needs a new joke. If you know a better joke or a worse joke, please tell it to me.

Book 2

Sneaking, snakes, and scary nights at the greatest summer camp anywhere!

from my book

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Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. “I am prepared to wrestle you for this last parachute young man,” said the pilot. “Don’t bother,” began the teenager. “The richest man in the world took my backpack.”

  2. Three people are on a plane:the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a teenager. Including the pilot, that makes four people. Everyone has a backpack, but only the teenager is holding his, instead of wearing it. “Attention passengers,” says the pilot, “we are about to crash and there are only three parachutes. The richest man snatches up a parachute and dives from the plane. He called “See you later!” The smartest man followed the rich man. Only one parachute was left. **To be continued** Sorry this joke is so long!

  3. A nurse goes to see a doctor and says an invisible man is here. The doctor says, I can’t see him right now

  4. So a little girl draws a rainbow for her mom.then her teacher asked what it was. so the little girl crumpled up the paper, put it in the teachers mouth and screamed TASTE THE RAINBOW! get it from that one movie……

  5. Knock knock.
    Who`s there?
    Banana who?
    Knock knock.
    Who`s there?
    Banana who?
    Knock knock.
    Who`s there?
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad I didn`t say banana.

  6. There were two brothers named Trouble and Shut Up. One day Trouble got lost in the mall. This is Shut Up’s conversation with the policeman-
    Shut Up: Oh, Policeman!
    Policeman: What?
    Shut Up: I lost my brother!
    Policeman: What’s your name?
    Shut Up:Shut Up.
    Policeman: Are you looking for trouble?
    Shut Up: Yes, I just told you that.

  7. Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log,Pete fell off who fell off who was left?(crowd says Repeat)(then you do it over and over again)

  8. My name is Henry. I am 7 years old. You are the coolest guy in the world! Do you think I would be good in a cool duel? Do you have any other enemies like Kevin Welch? How tall is Georgie Sinkoff? You live in a wonderland. I wish I went to Camp Windward.

    1. You write very well for 7 years old. Here are the answers to your questions:
      –I don’t know you, so how would I know?
      –None other than Goon and her boyfriend, Drew.
      –I never measured him, but I guess about 5’6″ or 5’7″.

  9. Once there was a girl she was walking sooo she say an icecream store she went in it she gave her $1.00 in to the cashier so.. She said a double fudger so they gave her an icecream of what she orderd and splated fudge all over her face and she was screaming the girl is mad and when another girls comes she gives her $1.00 in the cashier she says one chocolate double double fudger with some sprinkles and she dosent get a slapt on her – Chelsea

  10. A GUY WENT IN A COWBOY TURNIMINT TO GO BUY SOME POPCORN SOOOOO THE GUY SAID “Rub me up some good old fashion popcorn hooooo eeee” The Man said “Shut up and leave ” Then when he leaves they sell free popcorn Lol

  11. my joke: Why don’t animals have tests at the zoo, Too many Cheetahs! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…Heh heh

  12. What do you get when you cross a hippo with a cat?A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squishes you.

  13. Heres my joke:A guy says,”Please let my car last longer than Taylor Swift relatoinships!”So do you like it?

  14. I love the drawing!!!!!! I think the kitten is so cute!!! (even though I get the joke and think it is funny it is crazy)

    1. i have one more “there was a red head a blonde and a brown all hunters the blonde goes out hunting and comes back with a big deer and they say how did you get it he said follow the tracks follow the tracks boom shot him then the brown goes out hunting and comes back with a bear the blonde and the redhead said how did u get him follow the tracks follow the tracks boom shot him then the redhead goes out hunting and comes back scratched up and bloody and the blonde and the brown head says what happened and the redhead said follow the tracks follow the tracks boom got hit by a train. Do you like it Cheesie

    2. Your drumstick joke is funny, but too short for Uncle Bud to use. And “blonde” jokes are sort of mean to blondes.

  15. One day someone is standing in a thunderstorm. He is looking up and smiling. Someone asks him, ” Why are you smiling?” The person answers,” I’m smiling because god is taking pictures!”

  16. There are 60 women stuck on an island so then one of them jumps in the river and gets killed so then the rest are “did he just… so the 2 guy goes yes he did.”Why did he do it”?He probably wanted to killed.So Chessie is that funny or what.

  17. There were three men stuck on an island, and one day find a magical lantern… It’s a genie! The genie gives them three wishes. One of them wishes to go home, and does . Also, another one wants to go home, and does. The third one was getting kind of lonely, and wishes the other two to come back to the island!!! THE END!

  18. blonde needs a job and gets a job as a painter. one guy tells her that he needs help painting his porch. she accepts the job and starts right away. 20 minutes later she comes back and says shes done and that she used the extra paint as a second layer. the man pays her and she leaves. the man comes out and sees his new porche painted white

  19. On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

    God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

    So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

    The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

    But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

    God asked “Why did you laugh I haven’t even told the joke yet”

    The blonde said “I know I just now got the first one!!!”

    1. Hahahaha that is a funny joke! i am blonde but i am actually sometimes like that. heehee yeah once my moms friend was going to dye my mums ahir and my mums friend asked me ” what type of blond are you? ” i then answered ” a smart blond! ” and she explained to me she meant dark blond or light blond etc. sooo, yeah i am sometimes a bit slow on the uptake. 🙂 😀 XD ;D 😉

  20. A wants his wife dead so he goes to this man named Arti. He says, “I want my wife dead so I can have her inheritance.” Arti agrees and says, “Okay it will be expensive, though.” The man says, “I’ll pay back after, but here’s one dollar.” Later Arti goes and to Publix because the mans wife is there. He starts to choke here a employee see him and come over. Arti ends up choking both of them and going to jail. (Here’s the punch line: Newspaper Headline) Arti chokes two for one dollar. (Get it?)

  21. Whats black and white and red all over? cant guess it THE NEWSPAPER!! okay okay so three guys have to get across to an island. Two of the men weigh 125 pounds and one man weighs 250 pounds but the boat can only hold 250 pounds!!! okay okay want to know the answer? the two 125 men go across on the boat one comes back the 250 pound man gets on leaving the 125 pound man once at the island the 250 pound man gets off and lets the 125 pound man ON the island on to the boat he goes and picks up thee other 125 pound man and they sail back to the 250 pound man on the island the good part about that joke is he can keep changing the numbers and i know Cheesie likes math so it would be a fun joke

  22. Okay here we go How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Can’t figure it out…… TENTECLS tee hee love that one okay okay make it stop!

    1. That’s a great joke. But think about this…an octopus has eight “arms,” so if you tickle each of it’s “armpits,” you’ve got two tickles left over.

  23. •Q:whats the similarity between a grape and a helicopter? A:they both fly except for the grape

  24. Q: what kind of diesease (did i spell diesease wrong) did the mummy get?


  25. a man walks into a bar he says hi to the barman and says i am an only child. he then walked out and told the guy my brother has a broken leg who did he lie to and why

  26. What has two gray legs and two brown legs?

    an elephant with diarreah!!

    P.S did I spell diarreah wrong?

    1. Ewwww! Disgusting. (Kinda funny, though.) But way too short for Uncle Bud to use. He likes long jokes.

  27. Here’s a joke:
    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    Interrupting cow,

    Interrupting cow-


    1. I just tried that joke on my mom. She just gave me a look and said, “That’s not funny.” BUT I LAUGHED!

  28. Here is a better joke

    Why did th first monkey jum out of the tree?

    He was dead.

    Why did the seconed monkey fall out of the tree?

    The third monkey pushed him.

    Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

    He thought it was a game.

  29. The joke:
    A kid gets transferred to a new school and it’s his first day at lunch. He’s got his little cafeteria tray and he sits down at this table. A kid sits next to him. The kid yells out “31!”
    Everybody starts laughing. An eighth grader stands up and shouts “54!” Even bigger laughs. A seventh grader yells out “27!”. Huge laughs. One kid’s drinking milk, squirts out his nose, everbody’s laughing. The new kid says to his classmate, “What the heck is going on?!” His classmate says, “Well, we’ve only got one joke book in the library.” One joke book. “Everybody checks it out, everybody knows it by heart. So now, instead of telliing the whole joke, you just have to yell out the number. Everybody gets it. Cause it takes a long time to tell a joke you know, kind of a waste of time.”
    The new kid goes to the library and checks out the book. He goes home, memorizes his favorite jokes and their numbers. His favorite joke is this one about a penguin, who’s driving a car, and some…some…smoke starts comin out of the engine, anyway it’s a long joke…
    The next day at lunch: The same thing happens.
    All the kids are yelling out their jokes and the new kid is just, like, waiting for his moment. A sixth grader yells out, “65!” Everybody is cheering and laughing and screaming, the kid sees his moment. he gets up on his chair and yells out,”38!” And it’s silent. No laughs. You could hear the crickets.
    The new kid sits back down and he whispers to his classmate, “What happened?”
    The kid says, “Well, some people just can’t tell a joke.”

    1. I told this joke to Granpa. He said it was a REALLY OLD JOKE…and not as funny as his joke. But I disagree. Yours is funnier.

  30. That is a reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy badddddddddddddddddddddddd jokeeeeeeeee.

    1. It is ok I guess. One I got from a laffy taffy is: what do you call a police man in bed?

      An undercover cop! LAME!!!

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