#2-Uncle Bud’s joke

Uncle Bud’s Joke (not so funny)

Uncle Bud tells the same joke every year at the first campfire, so every returning camper knows it by heart. And just before he gets to the end, we always interrupt by yelling out the punch line and laughing hysterically.

Here it is. But I warn you, it’s only funny if you’ve heard it a million times.

*     *     *     *     *

A man went into a restaurant with a gigantic, sharp-toothed monster on a leash.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” the waiter said, “Your creature looks extremely dangerous. You’ll have to tie him up outside.”

So the man took his monster outside and tied him to a post, then came back inside and ordered dinner. Just as he took the first bite, a little girl came into the restaurant and asked, “Does that terrible monster outside belong to anyone in here?”

illustration by Georgie Sinkoff

“It’s mine,” said the man. “Is there a problem?”

“Well, I’m really sorry,” the little girl said, “But my tiny little kitten just killed him.”

“Killed him!?” The man shouted. “How?”

“She choked him,” the little girl replied.

The man waved his arms in the air and asked loudly, “How could your tiny little kitten choke my great big monster?”

The little girl looked at the man and said, “She got stuck in his throat.”

*     *     *     *     *

Uncle Bud needs a new joke. If you know a better joke or a worse joke, please tell it to me.

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. A wants his wife dead so he goes to this man named Arti. He says, “I want my wife dead so I can have her inheritance.” Arti agrees and says, “Okay it will be expensive, though.” The man says, “I’ll pay back after, but here’s one dollar.” Later Arti goes and to Publix because the mans wife is there. He starts to choke here a employee see him and come over. Arti ends up choking both of them and going to jail. (Here’s the punch line: Newspaper Headline) Arti chokes two for one dollar. (Get it?)

  2. Whats black and white and red all over? cant guess it THE NEWSPAPER!! okay okay so three guys have to get across to an island. Two of the men weigh 125 pounds and one man weighs 250 pounds but the boat can only hold 250 pounds!!! okay okay want to know the answer? the two 125 men go across on the boat one comes back the 250 pound man gets on leaving the 125 pound man once at the island the 250 pound man gets off and lets the 125 pound man ON the island on to the boat he goes and picks up thee other 125 pound man and they sail back to the 250 pound man on the island the good part about that joke is he can keep changing the numbers and i know Cheesie likes math so it would be a fun joke

  3. Okay here we go How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Can’t figure it out…… TENTECLS tee hee love that one okay okay make it stop!

    • That’s a great joke. But think about this…an octopus has eight “arms,” so if you tickle each of it’s “armpits,” you’ve got two tickles left over.

  4. •Q:whats the similarity between a grape and a helicopter? A:they both fly except for the grape
    heeeeeeheeeeeee

  5. Q: what kind of diesease (did i spell diesease wrong) did the mummy get?

    A: THE CASE OF THE COFFIN!!!!!

  6. a man walks into a bar he says hi to the barman and says i am an only child. he then walked out and told the guy my brother has a broken leg who did he lie to and why

  7. What has two gray legs and two brown legs?

    an elephant with diarreah!!

    P.S did I spell diarreah wrong?

    • Ewwww! Disgusting. (Kinda funny, though.) But way too short for Uncle Bud to use. He likes long jokes.

  8. Here’s a joke:
    Knock Knock

    Who’s there?

    Interrupting cow,

    Interrupting cow-

    Moooo!

    • I just tried that joke on my mom. She just gave me a look and said, “That’s not funny.” BUT I LAUGHED!

  9. Here is a better joke

    Why did th first monkey jum out of the tree?

    He was dead.

    Why did the seconed monkey fall out of the tree?

    The third monkey pushed him.

    Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

    He thought it was a game.

  10. The joke:
    A kid gets transferred to a new school and it’s his first day at lunch. He’s got his little cafeteria tray and he sits down at this table. A kid sits next to him. The kid yells out “31!”
    Everybody starts laughing. An eighth grader stands up and shouts “54!” Even bigger laughs. A seventh grader yells out “27!”. Huge laughs. One kid’s drinking milk, squirts out his nose, everbody’s laughing. The new kid says to his classmate, “What the heck is going on?!” His classmate says, “Well, we’ve only got one joke book in the library.” One joke book. “Everybody checks it out, everybody knows it by heart. So now, instead of telliing the whole joke, you just have to yell out the number. Everybody gets it. Cause it takes a long time to tell a joke you know, kind of a waste of time.”
    The new kid goes to the library and checks out the book. He goes home, memorizes his favorite jokes and their numbers. His favorite joke is this one about a penguin, who’s driving a car, and some…some…smoke starts comin out of the engine, anyway it’s a long joke…
    The next day at lunch: The same thing happens.
    All the kids are yelling out their jokes and the new kid is just, like, waiting for his moment. A sixth grader yells out, “65!” Everybody is cheering and laughing and screaming, the kid sees his moment. he gets up on his chair and yells out,”38!” And it’s silent. No laughs. You could hear the crickets.
    The new kid sits back down and he whispers to his classmate, “What happened?”
    The kid says, “Well, some people just can’t tell a joke.”

    • I told this joke to Granpa. He said it was a REALLY OLD JOKE…and not as funny as his joke. But I disagree. Yours is funnier.

  11. That is a reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy badddddddddddddddddddddddd jokeeeeeeeee.

    • It is ok I guess. One I got from a laffy taffy is: what do you call a police man in bed?

      An undercover cop! LAME!!!