Rodent Jokes (The stuff on this webpage was mentioned on page 76 in my book.)

In my book, I wrote:

I think “ratted on our Mouse Plot” is funny. If you know any other excellent rodent jokes, please go to my website and tell me. I’m building a collection of them, and maybe I can add yours.

Illustration of two boys grinning next to a locker filled with mice. A woman with crossed arms grimaces at them.

I made up a rodent joke. It is not very good, but here it is.

One of the Three Blind Mice was in court testifying against the Farmer’s Wife. He told the judge what happened, but was so nervous he said nothing about what she did with the carving knife.

“You forgot to mention details,” said the judge.

Get it? If you know a better one, please send it to me below.

Book 1

Mystery, mice, and money at the end of fifth grade!

from my book

read some

back to the
Genius List

Back to list Back to top Next thing on my list

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. Hey Cheesie can you ask Steve Cotler how old he is… I really want to know. Please respond Cheesie. 🙂

    1. Here’s what he said: “Take the number of original colonies in America, add the number of legs on an arachnid, multiply by the number of land-locked countries in South America, and add the cents in two bits. That’s how old I am.”

      He’s weird.

    2. It is! But here’s what’s weird. I know Granpa is way more than 70. So I think he was lying about his age.

  2. Catterpiller wanna go for a walk? Do you want to go for a walk? I heard you the first time I was putting on my shoes!

  3. There were 2 mice and one said”Do you like my shirt?”.”No,it is the most ugliest thing I’ve ever seen”the other mouse replied.Then the other mouse said” CHEESE you didn’t have to be so mean”

  4. ” Grandpa, you use the mouse to go where you want to go on a computer.” Joey said. “I ain’t touchin’ that rodent!!!” said Grandpa.

    Diary of a wimpy kid

  5. There are 2 kids that are eating some ice cream out on the street. One of the kids’ ice cream falls on the floor,” Rats!” the kid says. At the same time, a rat underground drops his dead beetle and says,” Humans!”

    1. I also have another one that’s not related to rodents: There’s a girl and a boy getting their picture taken at a party. They both say,”CHEESE!” At the same time in another world, there are 2 pieces of cheese saying,”HUMANS!”

    2. Yeah cheesie Taylor s.chhay is right that is a good joke two on one who gets ten votes wins and plus i am Taylor s.chhays friend

  6. A small rodent with a long tail was scared about a fight it was going to have with a cat later. To inspire it to have some courage its friend asked ‘are you a man or a mouse?’

    1. Ha ha ha, this is the funniest joke I have ever heard in my entire life! You are so witty it’s unbelievable!

  7. “Q:Why do mice and rats never go to ponds?
    A: They don’t want to risk seeing a cat-tail!”

    1. i get it they are saying a MOUSE took there wallet, but then they say a MOUSE didnt steal your wallet a RAT did….or at least i assume that is what they r going for

  8. (This one isn’t that excellent)
    Why do mice need oiling?
    Because they squeak…
    Here’s Another one (not so excellent)
    What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer?
    Mice Cubes

  9. There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole.
    They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the
    The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and
    said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.”
    The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and
    said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.”
    The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole
    but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles.
    The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses

    1. Haha! Wow! Funny!
      If this joke disappears from my website, you’ll know my mom was on the prowl.

    1. That’s not a rodent joke either! Opossums are marsupials. (Isn’t opossum a weird looking word?)

  10. Hey, Cheesie I’m 19 years old and I’m giving you my rodent joke which is:

    Q:What did the mouse say when he got his picture taken?



      A kid in my class grabbed the hamster but in my best friends shirt she screamed so loud that the hamster got scared and jumped out of her shirt and I called it and everyone was laughing.

  12. Why did the mouse think the study of the moon was boring???

    Because it was very cheesy!!!!!

  13. I took my rodent called jim on an airplane in the fall and had gotten some jell-o for him to eat while i went to the restroom. While I was turning off the faucet i dropped my barette out of my purse in the garbage can and when i looked in it, I saw jim in it eating some french fries!

    1. My rat Cody eats everything- my math homework, my popsicle, my sneakers, my soccer ball, an eggplant, my eraser, my plushies, my sweater, even my flashlight!

  14. Melville says squeak squeak chitter chitter brrrrrp (he’s a hamster).

    Here are some jokes:
    What did the Dutch pet shop owner spread on his toast?

    What do cats eat in the summer?
    Mice cream!

    What’s a hamster’s favourite biscuit?
    Hammie Dodgers!

    What do you get if you get if you put a mouse in the washing machine?
    Squeaky-clean washing!

    What is grey, has 4 legs and a trunk?
    A mouse going on holiday!

    What goes dash-dash-squeak-dash-dash-squeak?
    Mouse code!

    What is grey and furry and goes buzz buzz?
    A mouse-quito!

    I went to a pet shop and there was a hamster in the window. It was literally *in* the window, stuck between the two panes of glass!

    P.S. These jokes are English and some of them use English words (used in England) for things like trunk and jam.

    Melville also says don’t forget to party!

    1. These are really good, except I don’t get the one about Hammie Dodgers. I guess it’s some kind of British cookie (biscuit). I really like the Morse Code one.

  15. I know that this is lame, but…

    What is a rat’s favorite food?

    Mouse-arella cheese!

    It’s his favo-rat food, get it?

  16. I know,I know,it’s lame.I thoutit up in two minutis.Edie is my sister.tell me what you think of that!oh,I wanted a better reply!

  17. what happened when the rodent grabed the cat’s tail? it “tailed” away!is that good?

    1. What does tailed away mean? And why is it funny?
      Sorry, but my sense of humor says “not so funny.”.

  18. what did the mouse say when a rat told on him?'”Ive been ratted on!!!”is it good or not? tell me.

    1. It’s okay, but not so original. It’s almost the same as what I wrote in my book. (See beginning of this page.)

  19. what did the mouse say to the computer when the mouse of the computer was not there he said hey where is your mouse friend

  20. well this isnt really in the rodent range but its worth a shot!!!

    How do you make a tisssue dance???

    You but a little buggy in it!!

  21. Why do elephants only own laptops?

    because they’re afraid of the mouse!

  22. There was once a rat that Ratted on a mouse. When they went to court the rat said that the mouse caused an accident but the mouse responded”When I heard a noise I leaned over but of course I’m blind and as they say for dogs ‘If your bark is worse than your bite then your not bitting hard enough’ so this rat is a talker and he can’t take a joke that I am a moose!” the crowd grew silent and the judge asked ” your a moose?” ” see you can;t take a joke!”

  23. What did one lab rat say to the other?
    “I’ve got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the
    buzzer, he brings me a snack.”

Comments are closed.

Welcome to (My real name is Ronald Mack)