Cheesie Mack

Book 1

Mystery, mice, and money at the end of fifth grade!

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Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

Here are all the links I promised I would put on my website:

  1. Tell me if you liked this book… or if you didn’t… or whatever.
  2. Unusual grandparent nicknames.
  3. Countries with money that doesn’t break into hundredths.
  4. Guess what it will cost to mail a letter fifty years from now.
  5. Images of cool stamps and your made-up captions to go with them.
  6. Anything about frog and toad leg lengths.
  7. Excellent rodent jokes to add to my collection.
  8. Have you seen a vampire or, even better, been bitten by one?
  9. The answer to my puzzle: eighty-three cents in four U.S. coins.
  10. Cool words that sound like what they mean.
  11. Which three words is “skivolvunged” a combo of?
  12. Vote for your favorite food.
  13. How to toss things over your head backward with your toes.
  14. Other names for sow bugs… and my science report.
  15. What was the evidence in Goon’s pocket?
  16. Glenn Philips’ “a half of a time” explanation.
  17. Determining if Glenora Jean Prott was a Ms. or a Mrs.
  18. Cheesie’s and Georgie’s junk food presentation.
  19. Six U.S. pennies minted in 1909.
  20. The Harder/Bigger Word Game (THABIWOGA). [It doesn’t work. I’m a dud!]
  21. The title of my next book.
  22. Do you know why Eureka was dented into the paper in the envelope?
  23. All about my last birthday party… and tell me about yours.
  24. Where to say hi. Or leave a comment. (I hope you do!)

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Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

The Original Cover

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or AnythingThe original cover of this book—and Book 2—(both illustrated by Adam McCauley) have been replaced by new ones (illustrated by Douglas Holgate) because the people who publish my books thought my covers would look better with much bigger pictures of me. (Don’t start saying I’m conceited. It wasn’t my idea.)

There are lots of characters in my books, and most of them were pictured on the original covers. If you don’t know who everyone is, click here for a rundown.

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Part of my book you can read now!

Excerpted from: Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

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CHAPTER 2:
My Best Friend Screams

The phone call was from Georgie Sinkoff, my best friend.

“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” he screamed into my ear before I could finish saying hello. And then he hung up on me.

I ran outside, yelled to Mom where I was going, and sprinted into the gully behind my house, which is in Gloucester, Massachusetts, where I have lived my whole life.

If you don’t know where Massachusetts is, look in the upper right-hand corner of the United States.

I left Alaska out because it’s too big.

Mass (sometimes we call it that) is a small state.

Map of the US with a star on Massachusets

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Only six states are smaller. Even Hawaii is bigger, but it’s kind of cheating because lots of Hawaii is ocean. I have a U.S. map on my bedroom wall, and because I look at it every night before I turn out my light, I have almost memorized it.

Gloucester (people here say GLAH-stah… weird, huh?) is the oldest fishing port in America. It was founded in 1623, only three years after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, which is also in Massachusetts somewhere. I have never seen Plymouth Rock, but rocks last almost forever, so I guess it’s still there.

Georgie and I live less than a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, in a neighborhood of big, old houses. Not old like Pilgrims, but Granpa says our house is older than he is, and I know he is way more than seventy. (He does not celebrate his birthday, and I don’t even know when it is. He won’t tell.)

Our houses are three blocks apart if you use the streets, but Georgie and I only go that way if we’re on our bikes. There’s a scrawny little stream in a scrawny little gully that separates our backyards, and it is so narrow that last year Georgie launched a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, where my sister was playing with her friends.

I told you he has terrific ideas!

Of course I was in Georgie’s bedroom at the time, but on purpose here’s what I did not do:

  1. I did not fill the balloon with pudding.
  2. I did not touch Georgie’s huge slingshot.
  3. I did not help pull back the rubber part.

I did not do any of these things so that if Mom or someone asked, I would not have to lie. I did help aim it, kind of. When the pudding bomb landed and splashed chocolate on you-know-who, the girls screamed like the universe was exploding—and even though we got yelled at, it was cool.

Georgie launching a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, onto my sister's head.

I trotted through the gully on the path that Georgie and I made, then up the other side and through the won’t-close-gate into his backyard. Once inside his back door—I never have to knock—I yelled for him. He yelled back from the basement.

I walked down the stairs. They creaked and squeaked like in horror movies. (I’m not trying to scare you—it’s just one of the details I remember.)

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His house, like mine, is really old. The basement and stairs are made out of wood, and the floor is mostly dirt except for the concrete part where Mr. Sinkoff keeps his tools.

I could see a shadow moving on the basement floor, so I knew Georgie was directly beneath me, under the stairs. When I reached the bottom, Georgie stepped out and grabbed me, talking real fast.

“I found something big! Really big!”

There were cobwebs in his hair. He had one hand behind his back.

I have known Georgie my whole life. We have always been best friends… except for the time in third grade when he called me Dumbo Ears. (This is really the last time I am going to mention my ears!)

GeorgieGeorgie has reddish-brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, braces, and really cool glasses with bright red rims. He is already eleven and is almost twice my size. He is good at games where being big is an advantage, like basketball and football. My best sports are soccer and baseball because I am wicked fast and very excellent at catching flies.

I have brown hair, brown eyes, and a whitish scar on my thumb where a fishhook stabbed me when I was on a lake with my dad. I was eight and fooling around. Don’t ask.Cheesie

Georgie and I go to the same school, have always had the same teacher, and in the summer, always go to camp in Maine.

“I was down here looking for black widow spiders,” Georgie continued. “I figured if I caught one in a jar, we could use it to scare your sister. But this”—

Georgie brought his arm around and held up a yellowed envelope with one corner ripped off—”was completely hidden between those two boards.” He pointed under the stairs, but I took my eyes off the envelope for only a second. “It’s addressed to my house, but the name is”—he squinted at the envelope—”G. J. Prott.”

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“Probably there was somebody named G. J. Prott who lived here before you guys,” I said. Georgie nodded. “Look what was in the envelope!”

He held out a piece of paper folded up small, then opened it. Inside were a silvery metal heart on a silvery metal chain and one penny.

“A penny? Not exactly treasure, Georgie.”

“Yeah, but this necklace is probably real silver. And what if there’s more hidden stuff? Like gold and diamonds.”

I picked up the necklace and held it high between us. The lightbulb on the basement rafters was not very bright, but the heart sparkled as it spun slowly.

“I bet a hypnotist could use this to hypnotize people,” I said.

Georgie didn’t say anything. Maybe I’d sort of hypnotized him.

I placed the heart necklace back on the paper in Georgie’s hand and examined the coin. The back looked a lot different from any other penny I’d ever seen, but the front had the same face on it: Abraham Lincoln, our sixteenth president.

(Glenn Philips, the smartest kid in my class, can name all the presidents and all the vice presidents. In order!)

I looked at the date on the coin. “This penny was made in 1909.”A really old penny! (From 1909)

That snapped Georgie out of his trance. He grabbed the penny and peered at it closely. “That means it’s over a hundred years old.”

One of us said, “Whoa.”

I don’t remember who.

End of Book One Excerpt – Order Your Copy
Read from Book Two: Cheesie Mack Is Cool In A Duel
Read from Book Three: Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
Read from Book Four: Cheesie Mack Is Not Exactly Famous
Read from Book Five: Cheesie Mack Is Sort Of Freaked Out

Excerpt copyright © 2011 by Stephen L. Cotler. Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Adam McCauley. Published by Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

end of excerpt

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

is available in the following formats:

Random House

May 22, 2011

ISBN-10: 0375864377

ISBN-13: 9780375864377

Digital:

Hardcover:

Paperback:

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What People Are Saying About My Book:

Read or write reviews on Goodreads →

“Fifth-grader Ronald “Cheesie” Mack’s problems (like how to outsmart his evil older sister) may be ordinary, but in the hands of first-time author Cotler they’re plenty entertaining. Playful use of language. Many entertaining bit characters. Cotler blatantly sets readers up for Cheesie’s next adventure; after this installment, they’ll be ready for it.”

— Publishers Weekly

“Ronald “Cheesie” Mack and his best friend, Georgie, are about to graduate fifth grade and embark on the best summer ever. Readers will be happy to learn that Cotler’s debut is the first in a new series. Cheesie chattily narrates his own story; his voice rings true, and the other characters are a gently quirky, appealing lot. His periodic invitations to read posts on or add stories to the CheesieMack.com website will hook denizens of the digital generation.”

— Kirkus Reviews

“Ronald, aka Cheesie, Mack is looking forward to a summer of scheming with his best friend, Georgie, terrorizing his sister June “the Goon,” and finally attending camp with Georgie as cool older campers. [T]hen Georgie finds an old letter containing a century-old penny and a locket, a mystery that eventually leads the pals to the Haunted Toad, a local rundown mansion. This is Cheesie’s story, and his easygoing, accessible voice will certainly appeal to middle-grade readers. From the plot to unleash mouse madness at the school graduation to his obsession with besting his older sister, the action here is all fun and games.”

— Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books

“Ronald Mack—better known as “Cheesie”—is an almost-11-year-old with a knack for silliness and trouble. Cheesie’s best friend, Georgie, is with him every step of the way. When the boys find a mysterious envelope, they’re in for the adventure of a lifetime. [A] rollicking read.”

— School Library Journal

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  3. Dear Cheesie Mack,
    I really hate your book! Just kidding!!!
    I thought it was really great. My favorite part is when you and June got into a huge argument, and June got in trouble.

  5. I just finished your book.It is so good!!!Can not wait to read your next book!(p.s I love dogs especially yours!) ( p.p.s I have four dogs). 🙂

  6. i can’t wait to read the whole series.U r a very cool person and never in the world i have been so happy.

    P.s. I love chesse

  7. We have just started reading ur book and im already falling for it. it’s hilarious and really interesting.All the mysteries and excitement make me convert into another world that keeps me in great wonder of what’s gonna happen next.!!!:)

  12. We have just started reading CHEESIE MACK IS NOT A GENIUS OR ANYTHING and we love it! We love the way you write. You grabbed us from the beginning of the book. You are coming to our school, Beech Hill Elementary in February. We cannot wait to meet such an incredible writer. Thanks for writing this book!

  16. hey, just saying hi. remember me i shook your hand when you cm to our school, said your book was splenderful, had my friend emily with me?!wwwwwwhhhhhhhaaaaaaasssssszzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppppp?!!!!!?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!:)
    P.s.email me
    p.p.s.not on the website
    p.p.p.s.but u can if u really want to

    1. It’s a palindrome. I love those!
      Like…
      Radar
      Never odd or even.
      But here’s my favorite (I did NOT make it up.:

      Go hang a salami; I’m a lasagna hog!

  20. Sorry to post again, but I just wanted to say… Cheesie Mack, PLEASE WRITE MORE BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. No need to apologize. I am glad you posted. Book #2 comes out in June. And I just finished the first draft of #4!

  21. I highly recommend this series! Cheesie and Georgie are soooooooooooo funny and all around awesome!

  22. i <3 the book, but so far actually because our teacher has only read the first 2 chapters but i <3 it so far.Teeheehee!!!

  24. i have not finished this book but so far the book is good
    i will let you know more when i am done oh your book is in battle of the books at our school and that is why i am reading this book.

  25. hello again!sorry if im bothering you but my friend kenady said she havent finished your book.

  26. i like book one. that is what i am reading now, i really like it and i am look forward to reading the 2nd book. you make really exiceting book. i not sure i i spell that e word right. i like how the books are made with it being like i a dairy and i reading along with the other 5million people who ae reading this book. and also i like that the book has some long chapter and some short becuase i just started and i all ready on chapter 6. also i think it is really reat that it brings friendship more together in the frist book.

    thank you for making these book and they are really great and i am looking forward to more!!!!!!!!!!
    -mya

    1. Yo, Mya—
      Thanks for your nice, long comment. You really understood what my books are about: friendship! Georgie is my BEST FRIEND FOREVER. I bet you have a BFF, too. Right?
      I had a really long winter break from school, and my family went to New Hampshire in the snow (I am a terrible skier), so I didn’t even look at my website. Sorry it took me so long to respond.

  27. one day im going to help you write your book!plus im going to try that sandwitch you made up,sounds delicous i might tell my family to try it.what is your e.mail?

    1. 1. You should write your own book.
      2. If you make a BLART sandwich, tell me if you liked it.
      3. My mom says I cannot give out my personal email, but you can always comment on my website.

  28. i loved it when you came to my school in november. i go to Webster Middle School. its in massachusetts!! I got both of my Cheesie Mack Books autoghaphed!! it was so much fun!! not to mention that i got to miss math, science, and reading because of you!! you rock cheesie!!! please reply as soon as possible. i want to know if you remember coming to my school!!

    1. Of course I remember. You are right next to Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg!

  31. Hi!i love your book you are just like me!you like cheese dont you?cause i do too,i put cheese on my grits,hotdogs,and my steak!i dont have a evil big sister, instead i have a evil little sister(shes always getting me in trouble.)and just like the haunted toad is just like my house:you see a little boy use to live next door to me,his house caught on fire and he died in it and now my sisters toys turn on by its self.(ooooowwwwwhooooooeeeeee!!!!!)Me and you could be best friends.maybe you can help me be abook writer beacouse im making up my own books!

  32. i LOVED your book. it was SUPER awesome!!!!!!! p.s you came to calusa elementry school my school and you sighend my book THANKS!!!!!!!!

    1. Thanks, Kayla. I mentioned your comment to Granpa and he told me he had an aunt named Kayli (almost the same spelling), but her real name was Klara.

    2. Hi cheesie!!! I know I didn’t say much in my last comment but my dinner was almost ready (Mack and cheese) and I really wanted to say hello and that i loved your book. You said you were coming to south carolina in February? Where in south Carolina? Because I live there and maybe you could visit my school because your book was on the BOB list and BOB stands for Battle of The Books and in march we have a competition and all the questions are about the books on the BOB list and we have to answer saying the title and the authors name and it’s really hard and I’m in fourth grade this is my first year doing im going to need a lot of luck schools compete against schools and i hope Paris Elementary (my school) will win!! Ok, I think that was a long enough letter so bye!

    4. Awwww…… Lake forest and summit drive are RIGHT BY my school. When are you coming back to south Carolina? Greenville/Taylor’s specifically?

    1. Thanks, Evan! I am just finishing up book #4, and I took a break to see what new comments there were. And THANKS!

  36. I loved this book so much.My favorite part was when they made the blart sandwich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  37. Hi cheesie when you get the chance could please write back to some of my E-mails. Sometimes my parents call me Mack because my name is Mackenzie. Maybe I can get you hooked up with my class after winter break, but of course they need to finish the first book.
    sighned,
    Mack.

  38. IS cheeise mack real or fake. WHAT IS YOUR EMAIL AND YOUR NAME an ponenumber and your address. Cheesie mack do you have a very big crush on lana. JUST go and remove cheeie mack .com ok. AND is cheesie mack going to remove cheesie mack.

    4. Of course I am a real character. I am in a fiction book. I hope that explains it. I am not permitted to give out my contact info. I DO NOT have a crush on Lana. And why would I want to remove my website? I do get it.

  43. I know how you feel cheesie,I have alot of siblings.A sister that’s 13,another that’s 1, and a brother[or should I say bother]that’s 6.

  44. So far, I think it is so funny. My teacher has read us Chapter 0-2. It made me crack up laughing! I can’t wait for the next chapter.

  45. Iknow how cheesie mack feels i have a younger sister that likes to be really rude to me. But we get along most of the time. And thats why i love her so much

  48. i finished the book yesturday.i really like the book.i like when cheesie and georgie almost got partially expelled.i want to go to the pizza party.CHEESIE MACK ROCKS.

    1. Thanks, Christpher! (If your name really has no “O” between the T and the P, that is very col…get it? “COOL” with an “O” missing!)

  49. Heyy Cheesie Mack;) My libarian at school is starting this book and I think it’s amazing so far;)Wish 2 meet u some day Cheesie Mack;)

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