Cheesie Mack

Book 1

Mystery, mice, and money at the end of fifth grade!

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Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

Here are all the links I promised I would put on my website:

  1. Tell me if you liked this book… or if you didn’t… or whatever.
  2. Unusual grandparent nicknames.
  3. Countries with money that doesn’t break into hundredths.
  4. Guess what it will cost to mail a letter fifty years from now.
  5. Images of cool stamps and your made-up captions to go with them.
  6. Anything about frog and toad leg lengths.
  7. Excellent rodent jokes to add to my collection.
  8. Have you seen a vampire or, even better, been bitten by one?
  9. The answer to my puzzle: eighty-three cents in four U.S. coins.
  10. Cool words that sound like what they mean.
  11. Which three words is “skivolvunged” a combo of?
  12. Vote for your favorite food.
  13. How to toss things over your head backward with your toes.
  14. Other names for sow bugs… and my science report.
  15. What was the evidence in Goon’s pocket?
  16. Glenn Philips’ “a half of a time” explanation.
  17. Determining if Glenora Jean Prott was a Ms. or a Mrs.
  18. Cheesie’s and Georgie’s junk food presentation.
  19. Six U.S. pennies minted in 1909.
  20. The Harder/Bigger Word Game (THABIWOGA). [It doesn’t work. I’m a dud!]
  21. The title of my next book.
  22. Do you know why Eureka was dented into the paper in the envelope?
  23. All about my last birthday party… and tell me about yours.
  24. Where to say hi. Or leave a comment. (I hope you do!)

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Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

The Original Cover

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or AnythingThe original cover of this book—and Book 2—(both illustrated by Adam McCauley) have been replaced by new ones (illustrated by Douglas Holgate) because the people who publish my books thought my covers would look better with much bigger pictures of me. (Don’t start saying I’m conceited. It wasn’t my idea.)

There are lots of characters in my books, and most of them were pictured on the original covers. If you don’t know who everyone is, click here for a rundown.

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Part of my book you can read now!

Excerpted from: Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

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CHAPTER 2:
My Best Friend Screams

The phone call was from Georgie Sinkoff, my best friend.

“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” he screamed into my ear before I could finish saying hello. And then he hung up on me.

I ran outside, yelled to Mom where I was going, and sprinted into the gully behind my house, which is in Gloucester, Massachusetts, where I have lived my whole life.

If you don’t know where Massachusetts is, look in the upper right-hand corner of the United States.

I left Alaska out because it’s too big.

Mass (sometimes we call it that) is a small state.

Map of the US with a star on Massachusets

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Only six states are smaller. Even Hawaii is bigger, but it’s kind of cheating because lots of Hawaii is ocean. I have a U.S. map on my bedroom wall, and because I look at it every night before I turn out my light, I have almost memorized it.

Gloucester (people here say GLAH-stah… weird, huh?) is the oldest fishing port in America. It was founded in 1623, only three years after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, which is also in Massachusetts somewhere. I have never seen Plymouth Rock, but rocks last almost forever, so I guess it’s still there.

Georgie and I live less than a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, in a neighborhood of big, old houses. Not old like Pilgrims, but Granpa says our house is older than he is, and I know he is way more than seventy. (He does not celebrate his birthday, and I don’t even know when it is. He won’t tell.)

Our houses are three blocks apart if you use the streets, but Georgie and I only go that way if we’re on our bikes. There’s a scrawny little stream in a scrawny little gully that separates our backyards, and it is so narrow that last year Georgie launched a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, where my sister was playing with her friends.

I told you he has terrific ideas!

Of course I was in Georgie’s bedroom at the time, but on purpose here’s what I did not do:

  1. I did not fill the balloon with pudding.
  2. I did not touch Georgie’s huge slingshot.
  3. I did not help pull back the rubber part.

I did not do any of these things so that if Mom or someone asked, I would not have to lie. I did help aim it, kind of. When the pudding bomb landed and splashed chocolate on you-know-who, the girls screamed like the universe was exploding—and even though we got yelled at, it was cool.

Georgie launching a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, onto my sister's head.

I trotted through the gully on the path that Georgie and I made, then up the other side and through the won’t-close-gate into his backyard. Once inside his back door—I never have to knock—I yelled for him. He yelled back from the basement.

I walked down the stairs. They creaked and squeaked like in horror movies. (I’m not trying to scare you—it’s just one of the details I remember.)

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His house, like mine, is really old. The basement and stairs are made out of wood, and the floor is mostly dirt except for the concrete part where Mr. Sinkoff keeps his tools.

I could see a shadow moving on the basement floor, so I knew Georgie was directly beneath me, under the stairs. When I reached the bottom, Georgie stepped out and grabbed me, talking real fast.

“I found something big! Really big!”

There were cobwebs in his hair. He had one hand behind his back.

I have known Georgie my whole life. We have always been best friends… except for the time in third grade when he called me Dumbo Ears. (This is really the last time I am going to mention my ears!)

GeorgieGeorgie has reddish-brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, braces, and really cool glasses with bright red rims. He is already eleven and is almost twice my size. He is good at games where being big is an advantage, like basketball and football. My best sports are soccer and baseball because I am wicked fast and very excellent at catching flies.

I have brown hair, brown eyes, and a whitish scar on my thumb where a fishhook stabbed me when I was on a lake with my dad. I was eight and fooling around. Don’t ask.Cheesie

Georgie and I go to the same school, have always had the same teacher, and in the summer, always go to camp in Maine.

“I was down here looking for black widow spiders,” Georgie continued. “I figured if I caught one in a jar, we could use it to scare your sister. But this”—

Georgie brought his arm around and held up a yellowed envelope with one corner ripped off—”was completely hidden between those two boards.” He pointed under the stairs, but I took my eyes off the envelope for only a second. “It’s addressed to my house, but the name is”—he squinted at the envelope—”G. J. Prott.”

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“Probably there was somebody named G. J. Prott who lived here before you guys,” I said. Georgie nodded. “Look what was in the envelope!”

He held out a piece of paper folded up small, then opened it. Inside were a silvery metal heart on a silvery metal chain and one penny.

“A penny? Not exactly treasure, Georgie.”

“Yeah, but this necklace is probably real silver. And what if there’s more hidden stuff? Like gold and diamonds.”

I picked up the necklace and held it high between us. The lightbulb on the basement rafters was not very bright, but the heart sparkled as it spun slowly.

“I bet a hypnotist could use this to hypnotize people,” I said.

Georgie didn’t say anything. Maybe I’d sort of hypnotized him.

I placed the heart necklace back on the paper in Georgie’s hand and examined the coin. The back looked a lot different from any other penny I’d ever seen, but the front had the same face on it: Abraham Lincoln, our sixteenth president.

(Glenn Philips, the smartest kid in my class, can name all the presidents and all the vice presidents. In order!)

I looked at the date on the coin. “This penny was made in 1909.”A really old penny! (From 1909)

That snapped Georgie out of his trance. He grabbed the penny and peered at it closely. “That means it’s over a hundred years old.”

One of us said, “Whoa.”

I don’t remember who.

End of Book One Excerpt – Order Your Copy
Read from Book Two: Cheesie Mack Is Cool In A Duel
Read from Book Three: Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
Read from Book Four: Cheesie Mack Is Not Exactly Famous
Read from Book Five: Cheesie Mack Is Sort Of Freaked Out

Excerpt copyright © 2011 by Stephen L. Cotler. Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Adam McCauley. Published by Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

end of excerpt

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

is available in the following formats:

Random House

May 22, 2011

ISBN-10: 0375864377

ISBN-13: 9780375864377

Digital:

Hardcover:

Paperback:

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What People Are Saying About My Book:

Read or write reviews on Goodreads →

“Fifth-grader Ronald “Cheesie” Mack’s problems (like how to outsmart his evil older sister) may be ordinary, but in the hands of first-time author Cotler they’re plenty entertaining. Playful use of language. Many entertaining bit characters. Cotler blatantly sets readers up for Cheesie’s next adventure; after this installment, they’ll be ready for it.”

— Publishers Weekly

“Ronald “Cheesie” Mack and his best friend, Georgie, are about to graduate fifth grade and embark on the best summer ever. Readers will be happy to learn that Cotler’s debut is the first in a new series. Cheesie chattily narrates his own story; his voice rings true, and the other characters are a gently quirky, appealing lot. His periodic invitations to read posts on or add stories to the CheesieMack.com website will hook denizens of the digital generation.”

— Kirkus Reviews

“Ronald, aka Cheesie, Mack is looking forward to a summer of scheming with his best friend, Georgie, terrorizing his sister June “the Goon,” and finally attending camp with Georgie as cool older campers. [T]hen Georgie finds an old letter containing a century-old penny and a locket, a mystery that eventually leads the pals to the Haunted Toad, a local rundown mansion. This is Cheesie’s story, and his easygoing, accessible voice will certainly appeal to middle-grade readers. From the plot to unleash mouse madness at the school graduation to his obsession with besting his older sister, the action here is all fun and games.”

— Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books

“Ronald Mack—better known as “Cheesie”—is an almost-11-year-old with a knack for silliness and trouble. Cheesie’s best friend, Georgie, is with him every step of the way. When the boys find a mysterious envelope, they’re in for the adventure of a lifetime. [A] rollicking read.”

— School Library Journal

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. Hi!!!
    It is such a pleasure to talk to you! Well you probably don’t remember me, but I was the one you chosen for to tell you what a type of fiction is at Spann Elementary School. Well I said historical fiction and you made it so much like a kid! Oh, sorry, off topic. So anyway I wanted to inform you that the kids at Spann Elementary School voted Cheesie Mack as the kids book award! I as very pleased to hear that, considering that you came to our school maybe a week ago. So congratulations!!! Very pleased to meet you.
    -Victoria

    1. HEY, this book was also voted “best kids book” at my school “Newington” which is near Spann

    2. Hey, Victoria and Unknown…
      That is so cool to be voted best!
      Please tell everyone thank you for me.

  2. hi just wanted to say i’m from pinckney elementary and i loved the book ! and what does IMO mean????

  3. Is gorgie the first or second tallest in your class becauseI am the second tallest in my class and my best friend is the second shortest in my class

  6. I love your books. I think you are so wonderful. you are my new writing role model.I love Cheesie Mack I want to read every single book. I was reading it nonstop. thank you for coming to my school Charles Pinckney elem. Sc. if I could give you kindess from my heart I would as a gift. thank you so much. YOU AREAWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. I just wanted to say hey and I had a great time when you came to my school today. Haveing lunch with you was awesome. I can’t wait untill I get my book back that you signed for me. I look forward to hearing from you!
    Your biggest fan, Ana

  13. I loved the book!I couldn’t put it down, it kept me laughing and I could hardly wait to see what happened next! I am really looking forward to reading your next book and meeting you at my school.

  15. I ansolutly love the books. I think Steve colter is an amazing writer. The book is so funny and I can’t wait to read the next one. I’m really enjoying this book and I love the way Mr. Colter writes the books.

  16. I loved your 1st book! I own the first 2 books! I bought them when Steve Cotler came to my school!

  18. Dear chessie mack,
    I look forward to meeting you! I can’t wait until you come to our school!
    Angeline

  20. This book is awesome!I can’t wait for the next one.I hope you make a third one too!You should actually have a TV show.

  22. Hi Cheesie! I loved your book. It was awesome! Thanks for coming to Warner. 🙂
    -Smart Cookie(I really am, all my averages are a’s!)

  23. Hi! I love your books! I bet you have been to Warner Elementary School! Love your book! I want to read second.

  24. I love your first book. It is absolutly amazing. I loved it so much I’m reading your second book now.

  25. I loved your booked dude and so did everyone else in my school who read it. At my school your book is a nomine for the Great Stone Face Book contest and let me just say, whoever picks the books made the right choice. Can’t wait for your new book to come out.
    -Megan Moore

  29. Today at Reeves Elemtary school we read chapter 0 today and tomorrow we are going to read chapter 2 I am really liking your book one as you can tell I love your books.

  30. you should pay more attention to websites that talk about coins that are worth mony.your friend josh.

  35. I love your book! Are you going to release a 3rd book? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease respond!

  37. I love the cheesie mack books.I think they are funny.ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is how much i like them.I rate:CHEESIE MACK is not a genius or anything 5 stars!

    1. Thanks, Emily!
      (I autographed books at Water Street Bookstore in Exeter, NH. Have you ever been there?)

  42. Hey cheesie. You went to my school(crestview elementary) I was they girl you picked up and gave me Mac and cheese and a signed book.If you see this the b look that I ordered needs to be the second one but if it is too late it is fine. Please comet back if it is too late or not.

  44. I liked your cover!It was really differnt than other books covers.Also I liked how you communicated with us during the book.

    (p.s. liked your made up words)

    1. Yeah, I liked the cover, too. But here’s something weird: my publisher is changing it to a new style. Go figure!

  45. Your book is fantastic and hilarious I am now reading it for my 3 time and it still makes me laugh.

    2. Thanks, Simon! Did you know that my second book takes place in central Maine? I bet you’ll like that one, too.

  46. i really love the first book .Is there a whole series?i love macaroni but nobody calls me names about it.i have an older sister too and we FIGHT ALLOT.

    1. There are two books now in the series. A third comes out in June and fourth and fifth next year.

  47. I just finished cheesie Mack is not a genius or anything from my school library, and I love it. I am sad that the book ended there because I don’t know if my school has the second book

    1. I bet it does. Ask your librarian. And if it doesn’t, have her contact me, and I’ll send her one.

    2. yes actually she had just got it in the day that i asked for it she hadn’t even put the scan sticker on it. i just got to the par where they had there first vote on the duel. could i find ur books at a store that sells books?

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