Cheesie Mack

Book 1

Mystery, mice, and money at the end of fifth grade!

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Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

Here are all the links I promised I would put on my website:

  1. Tell me if you liked this book… or if you didn’t… or whatever.
  2. Unusual grandparent nicknames.
  3. Countries with money that doesn’t break into hundredths.
  4. Guess what it will cost to mail a letter fifty years from now.
  5. Images of cool stamps and your made-up captions to go with them.
  6. Anything about frog and toad leg lengths.
  7. Excellent rodent jokes to add to my collection.
  8. Have you seen a vampire or, even better, been bitten by one?
  9. The answer to my puzzle: eighty-three cents in four U.S. coins.
  10. Cool words that sound like what they mean.
  11. Which three words is “skivolvunged” a combo of?
  12. Vote for your favorite food.
  13. How to toss things over your head backward with your toes.
  14. Other names for sow bugs… and my science report.
  15. What was the evidence in Goon’s pocket?
  16. Glenn Philips’ “a half of a time” explanation.
  17. Determining if Glenora Jean Prott was a Ms. or a Mrs.
  18. Cheesie’s and Georgie’s junk food presentation.
  19. Six U.S. pennies minted in 1909.
  20. The Harder/Bigger Word Game (THABIWOGA). [It doesn’t work. I’m a dud!]
  21. The title of my next book.
  22. Do you know why Eureka was dented into the paper in the envelope?
  23. All about my last birthday party… and tell me about yours.
  24. Where to say hi. Or leave a comment. (I hope you do!)

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Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series

The Original Cover

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or AnythingThe original cover of this book—and Book 2—(both illustrated by Adam McCauley) have been replaced by new ones (illustrated by Douglas Holgate) because the people who publish my books thought my covers would look better with much bigger pictures of me. (Don’t start saying I’m conceited. It wasn’t my idea.)

There are lots of characters in my books, and most of them were pictured on the original covers. If you don’t know who everyone is, click here for a rundown.

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Part of my book you can read now!

Excerpted from: Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

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CHAPTER 2:
My Best Friend Screams

The phone call was from Georgie Sinkoff, my best friend.

“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” he screamed into my ear before I could finish saying hello. And then he hung up on me.

I ran outside, yelled to Mom where I was going, and sprinted into the gully behind my house, which is in Gloucester, Massachusetts, where I have lived my whole life.

If you don’t know where Massachusetts is, look in the upper right-hand corner of the United States.

I left Alaska out because it’s too big.

Mass (sometimes we call it that) is a small state.

Map of the US with a star on Massachusets

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Only six states are smaller. Even Hawaii is bigger, but it’s kind of cheating because lots of Hawaii is ocean. I have a U.S. map on my bedroom wall, and because I look at it every night before I turn out my light, I have almost memorized it.

Gloucester (people here say GLAH-stah… weird, huh?) is the oldest fishing port in America. It was founded in 1623, only three years after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, which is also in Massachusetts somewhere. I have never seen Plymouth Rock, but rocks last almost forever, so I guess it’s still there.

Georgie and I live less than a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, in a neighborhood of big, old houses. Not old like Pilgrims, but Granpa says our house is older than he is, and I know he is way more than seventy. (He does not celebrate his birthday, and I don’t even know when it is. He won’t tell.)

Our houses are three blocks apart if you use the streets, but Georgie and I only go that way if we’re on our bikes. There’s a scrawny little stream in a scrawny little gully that separates our backyards, and it is so narrow that last year Georgie launched a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, where my sister was playing with her friends.

I told you he has terrific ideas!

Of course I was in Georgie’s bedroom at the time, but on purpose here’s what I did not do:

  1. I did not fill the balloon with pudding.
  2. I did not touch Georgie’s huge slingshot.
  3. I did not help pull back the rubber part.

I did not do any of these things so that if Mom or someone asked, I would not have to lie. I did help aim it, kind of. When the pudding bomb landed and splashed chocolate on you-know-who, the girls screamed like the universe was exploding—and even though we got yelled at, it was cool.

Georgie launching a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, onto my sister's head.

I trotted through the gully on the path that Georgie and I made, then up the other side and through the won’t-close-gate into his backyard. Once inside his back door—I never have to knock—I yelled for him. He yelled back from the basement.

I walked down the stairs. They creaked and squeaked like in horror movies. (I’m not trying to scare you—it’s just one of the details I remember.)

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His house, like mine, is really old. The basement and stairs are made out of wood, and the floor is mostly dirt except for the concrete part where Mr. Sinkoff keeps his tools.

I could see a shadow moving on the basement floor, so I knew Georgie was directly beneath me, under the stairs. When I reached the bottom, Georgie stepped out and grabbed me, talking real fast.

“I found something big! Really big!”

There were cobwebs in his hair. He had one hand behind his back.

I have known Georgie my whole life. We have always been best friends… except for the time in third grade when he called me Dumbo Ears. (This is really the last time I am going to mention my ears!)

GeorgieGeorgie has reddish-brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, braces, and really cool glasses with bright red rims. He is already eleven and is almost twice my size. He is good at games where being big is an advantage, like basketball and football. My best sports are soccer and baseball because I am wicked fast and very excellent at catching flies.

I have brown hair, brown eyes, and a whitish scar on my thumb where a fishhook stabbed me when I was on a lake with my dad. I was eight and fooling around. Don’t ask.Cheesie

Georgie and I go to the same school, have always had the same teacher, and in the summer, always go to camp in Maine.

“I was down here looking for black widow spiders,” Georgie continued. “I figured if I caught one in a jar, we could use it to scare your sister. But this”—

Georgie brought his arm around and held up a yellowed envelope with one corner ripped off—”was completely hidden between those two boards.” He pointed under the stairs, but I took my eyes off the envelope for only a second. “It’s addressed to my house, but the name is”—he squinted at the envelope—”G. J. Prott.”

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“Probably there was somebody named G. J. Prott who lived here before you guys,” I said. Georgie nodded. “Look what was in the envelope!”

He held out a piece of paper folded up small, then opened it. Inside were a silvery metal heart on a silvery metal chain and one penny.

“A penny? Not exactly treasure, Georgie.”

“Yeah, but this necklace is probably real silver. And what if there’s more hidden stuff? Like gold and diamonds.”

I picked up the necklace and held it high between us. The lightbulb on the basement rafters was not very bright, but the heart sparkled as it spun slowly.

“I bet a hypnotist could use this to hypnotize people,” I said.

Georgie didn’t say anything. Maybe I’d sort of hypnotized him.

I placed the heart necklace back on the paper in Georgie’s hand and examined the coin. The back looked a lot different from any other penny I’d ever seen, but the front had the same face on it: Abraham Lincoln, our sixteenth president.

(Glenn Philips, the smartest kid in my class, can name all the presidents and all the vice presidents. In order!)

I looked at the date on the coin. “This penny was made in 1909.”A really old penny! (From 1909)

That snapped Georgie out of his trance. He grabbed the penny and peered at it closely. “That means it’s over a hundred years old.”

One of us said, “Whoa.”

I don’t remember who.

End of Book One Excerpt – Order Your Copy
Read from Book Two: Cheesie Mack Is Cool In A Duel
Read from Book Three: Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
Read from Book Four: Cheesie Mack Is Not Exactly Famous
Read from Book Five: Cheesie Mack Is Sort Of Freaked Out

Excerpt copyright © 2011 by Stephen L. Cotler. Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Adam McCauley. Published by Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

end of excerpt

Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything

is available in the following formats:

Random House

May 22, 2011

ISBN-10: 0375864377

ISBN-13: 9780375864377

Digital:

Hardcover:

Paperback:

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What People Are Saying About My Book:

Read or write reviews on Goodreads →

“Fifth-grader Ronald “Cheesie” Mack’s problems (like how to outsmart his evil older sister) may be ordinary, but in the hands of first-time author Cotler they’re plenty entertaining. Playful use of language. Many entertaining bit characters. Cotler blatantly sets readers up for Cheesie’s next adventure; after this installment, they’ll be ready for it.”

— Publishers Weekly

“Ronald “Cheesie” Mack and his best friend, Georgie, are about to graduate fifth grade and embark on the best summer ever. Readers will be happy to learn that Cotler’s debut is the first in a new series. Cheesie chattily narrates his own story; his voice rings true, and the other characters are a gently quirky, appealing lot. His periodic invitations to read posts on or add stories to the CheesieMack.com website will hook denizens of the digital generation.”

— Kirkus Reviews

“Ronald, aka Cheesie, Mack is looking forward to a summer of scheming with his best friend, Georgie, terrorizing his sister June “the Goon,” and finally attending camp with Georgie as cool older campers. [T]hen Georgie finds an old letter containing a century-old penny and a locket, a mystery that eventually leads the pals to the Haunted Toad, a local rundown mansion. This is Cheesie’s story, and his easygoing, accessible voice will certainly appeal to middle-grade readers. From the plot to unleash mouse madness at the school graduation to his obsession with besting his older sister, the action here is all fun and games.”

— Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books

“Ronald Mack—better known as “Cheesie”—is an almost-11-year-old with a knack for silliness and trouble. Cheesie’s best friend, Georgie, is with him every step of the way. When the boys find a mysterious envelope, they’re in for the adventure of a lifetime. [A] rollicking read.”

— School Library Journal

Comments from my Readers & Friends

  1. So far i really like this book. Thank you for coming to Chelsea Intermediate School on Halloween. Also, thank you for signing my copy of “Cheesie Mack is not a Genius or anything”. Our school and everyone really appreciated you coming to our school. Thank You!!!! I absolutely LOVE your book and I’m gonna get the next one.
    Love,
    Arann

  2. I love your book so far. You were so funny on chapter 4A when you talked about your mutant sister!

  3. Ummmm………………Cheesie? Are you there?! You’re not awnsering to our comets!!!!

    I miss you!

  4. Hey Cheesie I like your book…so far. I love you’re sense of humer!!!! You’re so funny!!! Great job you diserve a celebration!

  5. I love your books they are so funny and you are a very nice guy also funny.My mom even likes them.She even thinks they are funny.Nice job writing all those 5 books. They are so good and you are awsome writer. Good luck on you middle school books.
    Keep up the good work.

  6. I really am enjoying the first part of Cheesie Mack, you came to my school October 31 on Halloween (Chelsea Intermediate school)!!!!!!!!I loved how you told us about camp your plan was so funny!!!!!!!!!!I am going to keep reading your books !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you are funtastic (that’s a mix of fun and fantastic my own word)I love your books so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    2. Not scary at all because I have lots of friends and we stick together and support each other. I love school.

  10. Cheesie, you rock and you are awesome. By the way, my sister (Eve) was wondering if you played Warcraft. Cheesie, I also told my friend about your awesome books, and she loves them! But I was the 1st one to get Cheesie Mack is not a Genius or Anything. Keep on writing your supercalafrigalisticexpialidoses books!

  13. Sorry, you did answer and I wasn’t paying attention. Also I’m am gonna go to 6th grade next year spooky. 🙁

  14. Sorry,I didn’t say that, My stupid sister did. You are funny and not cute, OK! But I did ask what you were gonna be for Halloween. Also I just finished reading your book and it rocks!!

  16. Hey Mr. Cheer (cheesie and ronald), If you could answer quickly that would be nice. Also I know you wouldn’t like this, but I think you are cute!

    2. Hey, I know, I have a sister who leaves me out and does things behind my back.
      This is one of those times!

  17. Also I had a question, How does Georgie get so strong and What are you going to be for Halloween this year?

    2. Well, can’t wait for that book to come out!(A guy in my class is being Chucky the Creepy Doll for Halloween!)

  18. Hey, Cheesie, I have a jerky sister who epicly sucks. Now she is a jerk and she also has to much acne and that is of course why I make fun of her and stuff. You have awesome books and you are cool! Bye!

  19. my name is Ayaan Salman and i think this book is really instresting (sorry im in fourth grade and is not a good speller ) i dont understand the alien ( at first i just spelt it alian )

    p.s have you notis im yousing those punctuation things just lik Steve Cotler,
    Goodbye. bye the way you pronouns my name as (i-yawn ) bye

  24. I loved the book. It was funny and I never wanted to put the book down. But I have a question for you if you have time to answer it. Here it is, did anyone help you when you were writing these books and how did you come up with such good ideas?

    1. I wrote it myself, but I have an editor who helps me a lot. I use my imagintion…just like you do.

  25. Hi my class is almost finished with ur book and it is SOOOO suspenseful. It has history like when it describes how the penny is worth so much money! I like ur book a lot and I WILL be reading book 2. Btw u came to my school at the end of September! U made a really good presentation!

  27. your book is SO cool! i haven’t finished it yet but i LOVE your ideas and detective work!!

  30. Dear Cheesie,
    What is the title for your next book going to be? Even if you can’t tell me yet could you at least give me a clue?

  31. Hi Cheesie! My name is Emma and i totally loved ypur book! It was one of the best books i have ever read! My teacher was reading this book outloud for read aloud. I can’t wait to read your next book!

  35. who are like the not so impotan people that happend and im dooing book report and i neeeeeeeed your help bad becuase pretty much all the charachters are impotant plese comment back Ronald ‘chessie’A. mack pleeeeeeaaaaaasssseeee
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    )
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  37. I haven’t read this book yet. But I think its an great book.I think its a great book because of the cover! It looks so interesting!!! Well hope you ,make new cheese mack books!!!!!!!

  38. hi cheesie mack (steave Cotlet) you came to my school last year and it was really fun it was charter choool of morgan hill. i really enjoyed the stoty where you were at camp and one kid was braging to everyone that he was so scared he peed his pants.

  39. i read your book reacently and it was really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  41. Hi cheesie what are you doing today? Are you writing book four yet because I can’t wait to read it.

  47. Your books are incredible, funny, and awesome and I’ve only read 3/4 of your first book

  48. your book was fantastic but how did George come up with the prank where he shot I think it was chocolate at the girls in the backyard?However he did it well played.

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