Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything
Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series
- Tell me if you liked this book… or if you didn’t… or whatever.
- Unusual grandparent nicknames.
- Countries with money that doesn’t break into hundredths.
- Guess what it will cost to mail a letter fifty years from now.
- Images of cool stamps and your made-up captions to go with them.
- Anything about frog and toad leg lengths.
- Excellent rodent jokes to add to my collection.
- Have you seen a vampire or, even better, been bitten by one?
- The answer to my puzzle: eighty-three cents in four U.S. coins.
- Cool words that sound like what they mean.
- Which three words is “skivolvunged” a combo of?
- Vote for your favorite food.
- How to toss things over your head backward with your toes.
- Other names for sow bugs… and my science report.
- What was the evidence in Goon’s pocket?
- Glenn Philips’ “a half of a time” explanation.
- Determining if Glenora Jean Prott was a Ms. or a Mrs.
- Cheesie’s and Georgie’s junk food presentation.
- Six U.S. pennies minted in 1909.
- The Harder/Bigger Word Game (THABIWOGA). [It doesn’t work. I’m a dud!]
- The title of my next book.
- Do you know why Eureka was dented into the paper in the envelope?
- All about my last birthday party… and tell me about yours.
- Where to say hi. Or leave a comment. (I hope you do!)
Read from my book
Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything
Book 1 in the Cheesie Mack Series
The Original Cover
The original cover of this book—and Book 2—(both illustrated by Adam McCauley) have been replaced by new ones (illustrated by Douglas Holgate) because the people who publish my books thought my covers would look better with much bigger pictures of me. (Don’t start saying I’m conceited. It wasn’t my idea.)
There are lots of characters in my books, and most of them were pictured on the original covers. If you don’t know who everyone is, click here for a rundown.
Part of my book you can read now!
Excerpted from: Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything
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CHAPTER 2:
My Best Friend Screams
The phone call was from Georgie Sinkoff, my best friend.
“GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” he screamed into my ear before I could finish saying hello. And then he hung up on me.
I ran outside, yelled to Mom where I was going, and sprinted into the gully behind my house, which is in Gloucester, Massachusetts, where I have lived my whole life.
If you don’t know where Massachusetts is, look in the upper right-hand corner of the United States.
I left Alaska out because it’s too big.
Mass (sometimes we call it that) is a small state.
Only six states are smaller. Even Hawaii is bigger, but it’s kind of cheating because lots of Hawaii is ocean. I have a U.S. map on my bedroom wall, and because I look at it every night before I turn out my light, I have almost memorized it.
Gloucester (people here say GLAH-stah… weird, huh?) is the oldest fishing port in America. It was founded in 1623, only three years after the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock, which is also in Massachusetts somewhere. I have never seen Plymouth Rock, but rocks last almost forever, so I guess it’s still there.
Georgie and I live less than a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, in a neighborhood of big, old houses. Not old like Pilgrims, but Granpa says our house is older than he is, and I know he is way more than seventy. (He does not celebrate his birthday, and I don’t even know when it is. He won’t tell.)
Our houses are three blocks apart if you use the streets, but Georgie and I only go that way if we’re on our bikes. There’s a scrawny little stream in a scrawny little gully that separates our backyards, and it is so narrow that last year Georgie launched a balloon filled with chocolate pudding all the way from his bedroom window over the trees and the gully into my backyard, where my sister was playing with her friends.
I told you he has terrific ideas!
Of course I was in Georgie’s bedroom at the time, but on purpose here’s what I did not do:
- I did not fill the balloon with pudding.
- I did not touch Georgie’s huge slingshot.
- I did not help pull back the rubber part.
I did not do any of these things so that if Mom or someone asked, I would not have to lie. I did help aim it, kind of. When the pudding bomb landed and splashed chocolate on you-know-who, the girls screamed like the universe was exploding—and even though we got yelled at, it was cool.
I trotted through the gully on the path that Georgie and I made, then up the other side and through the won’t-close-gate into his backyard. Once inside his back door—I never have to knock—I yelled for him. He yelled back from the basement.
I walked down the stairs. They creaked and squeaked like in horror movies. (I’m not trying to scare you—it’s just one of the details I remember.)
His house, like mine, is really old. The basement and stairs are made out of wood, and the floor is mostly dirt except for the concrete part where Mr. Sinkoff keeps his tools.
I could see a shadow moving on the basement floor, so I knew Georgie was directly beneath me, under the stairs. When I reached the bottom, Georgie stepped out and grabbed me, talking real fast.
“I found something big! Really big!”
There were cobwebs in his hair. He had one hand behind his back.
I have known Georgie my whole life. We have always been best friends… except for the time in third grade when he called me Dumbo Ears. (This is really the last time I am going to mention my ears!)
Georgie has reddish-brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, braces, and really cool glasses with bright red rims. He is already eleven and is almost twice my size. He is good at games where being big is an advantage, like basketball and football. My best sports are soccer and baseball because I am wicked fast and very excellent at catching flies.
I have brown hair, brown eyes, and a whitish scar on my thumb where a fishhook stabbed me when I was on a lake with my dad. I was eight and fooling around. Don’t ask.
Georgie and I go to the same school, have always had the same teacher, and in the summer, always go to camp in Maine.
“I was down here looking for black widow spiders,” Georgie continued. “I figured if I caught one in a jar, we could use it to scare your sister. But this”—
Georgie brought his arm around and held up a yellowed envelope with one corner ripped off—”was completely hidden between those two boards.” He pointed under the stairs, but I took my eyes off the envelope for only a second. “It’s addressed to my house, but the name is”—he squinted at the envelope—”G. J. Prott.”
“Probably there was somebody named G. J. Prott who lived here before you guys,” I said. Georgie nodded. “Look what was in the envelope!”
He held out a piece of paper folded up small, then opened it. Inside were a silvery metal heart on a silvery metal chain and one penny.
“A penny? Not exactly treasure, Georgie.”
“Yeah, but this necklace is probably real silver. And what if there’s more hidden stuff? Like gold and diamonds.”
I picked up the necklace and held it high between us. The lightbulb on the basement rafters was not very bright, but the heart sparkled as it spun slowly.
“I bet a hypnotist could use this to hypnotize people,” I said.
Georgie didn’t say anything. Maybe I’d sort of hypnotized him.
I placed the heart necklace back on the paper in Georgie’s hand and examined the coin. The back looked a lot different from any other penny I’d ever seen, but the front had the same face on it: Abraham Lincoln, our sixteenth president.
(Glenn Philips, the smartest kid in my class, can name all the presidents and all the vice presidents. In order!)
I looked at the date on the coin. “This penny was made in 1909.”
That snapped Georgie out of his trance. He grabbed the penny and peered at it closely. “That means it’s over a hundred years old.”
One of us said, “Whoa.”
I don’t remember who.
End of Book One Excerpt – Order Your Copy
Read from Book Two: Cheesie Mack Is Cool In A Duel
Read from Book Three: Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!
Read from Book Four: Cheesie Mack Is Not Exactly Famous
Read from Book Five: Cheesie Mack Is Sort Of Freaked Out
end of excerpt
Cheesie Mack is Not a Genius or Anything
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What People Are Saying About My Book:
Read or write reviews on Goodreads →
“Fifth-grader Ronald “Cheesie” Mack’s problems (like how to outsmart his evil older sister) may be ordinary, but in the hands of first-time author Cotler they’re plenty entertaining. Playful use of language. Many entertaining bit characters. Cotler blatantly sets readers up for Cheesie’s next adventure; after this installment, they’ll be ready for it.”
“Ronald “Cheesie” Mack and his best friend, Georgie, are about to graduate fifth grade and embark on the best summer ever. Readers will be happy to learn that Cotler’s debut is the first in a new series. Cheesie chattily narrates his own story; his voice rings true, and the other characters are a gently quirky, appealing lot. His periodic invitations to read posts on or add stories to the CheesieMack.com website will hook denizens of the digital generation.”
— Kirkus Reviews
“Ronald, aka Cheesie, Mack is looking forward to a summer of scheming with his best friend, Georgie, terrorizing his sister June “the Goon,” and finally attending camp with Georgie as cool older campers. [T]hen Georgie finds an old letter containing a century-old penny and a locket, a mystery that eventually leads the pals to the Haunted Toad, a local rundown mansion. This is Cheesie’s story, and his easygoing, accessible voice will certainly appeal to middle-grade readers. From the plot to unleash mouse madness at the school graduation to his obsession with besting his older sister, the action here is all fun and games.”
— Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books
“Ronald Mack—better known as “Cheesie”—is an almost-11-year-old with a knack for silliness and trouble. Cheesie’s best friend, Georgie, is with him every step of the way. When the boys find a mysterious envelope, they’re in for the adventure of a lifetime. [A] rollicking read.”
Comments from my Readers & Friends
Comments are closed.
Hi I really like your books but I have only read the first one because that is the only one I have so For Christmas I will ask my parents for your second book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just wanted to say hi so yeah and you are my 2nd favorite author after J.K. Rowling who made Harry Potter
Y E A S T
Hi again I have not talked to you in a long time ago
sincerly.Jeron.C
thank u for writing this book I LOVE it
HI Cheesie it’s me again but not on a Computer like I was last time So uh just wanted to say Hi
chicen wing chicken wing hot dog and bilony chicken and MACARONY chillen with my homie
I have no idea what Tate is talking about. And why the fake name “hfgdh”?
Can Georgie reply cause i wanna Ask Him Why did you wanna trick G.J Prott
I dunno. Sometimes I get an idea and later it turns out notsoGreat. Just happens. That’s life. But this one did a double twist and ended REALLY GREAT!
(stp bugging me, Cheesie. I amtyping. OK you can have yourkeybord back.)
Sheesh.
my nick name is Maddie and i have a twin sister her name is Rilyn her nick name is ri ri
I have twin cousins.
can you do a backflip i can
my nick name is Maddie and i have a twin sister her name is Rilyn
ok i will ask her first if its there but she is in my class but proboly when it library day
sincerly Cristi
Hi cheesie this is PaigeM in Mr.Carolsons class.Great book.
hey cheesie play rolex by ayo and teo
from tate. (great song by the way)
Hi Cheesie! This is Logan From Mr.c’s Class. I loved the Book. That penny was worth A lot! G.J Prott Was nice Too!
Sincerly,
Logan.
Yes, it was! I was very surprised.
Tate Why did you have to say that
my nick name is maddie I have a twin her name is rilyn
THIS IS THE FIRST BOOK I READ that spoke in 2nd person
my nick name is maddie
If people also call you “Mad,” that sort of means you are mad.
if you can spell my name backwards spell [mr owl ate my metal worm] and I can’t wait to read your 2nd book.
sincerly.Jeron.C
No! Re Jeron, I have nothing to say.
(If you can’t figure this out, ask Mr. C.)
it’s [mr owl ate my meatl worm
sincirly.jeron
Thanks for responding that was REALLY nice of you thanks and Have A good Day.
sincerly Brady
No prob, Brady.
hi! im in mr Carlsons class i Loved The book it was Great I hope you make A 6th book Have A good day
There once was a weird kid named Bruce
Who grabbed onto the tail of a moose
The beast gave a shake
Tossed the lad in a lake
Where he sputtered, “I quit. It’s no use!”
Hi I’am brogan. I liked the book. I’am in MR CARLSON class. have a good day.
You have a very cool first name. My Granpa was peeking over my shoulder, and he said it is actually an English word (but maybe you probably knew that). Granpa said it means a heavy, sturdy shoe, especially an ankle-high work shoe. Then he went to his closet and brought back a pair that looks like they are maybe 100 years old.
hi cheesie my class just got done with the first book and I can´t wait to read the 2nd book
I have never met a Rilyn before. I am guessing you pronounce it RYE-Lin. Am I right?
hi wow i love you book
hi wow. That is so nice of you.
Hi cheesie i’m Paige M in Mr.C’s class. I love your book. I finished the first book.
Hiya, Paige.
I think I have gotten more comments from your class than from any other class in the whole universe!
you are the best author 😀 🙂
That is a very nice thing to say. Thanks!
i am in mr c class 😀
i posted one i just love the book it was a good book i am looking forward to reading the 2 book
from Teagan 😀
Hi Cheesie my name is Shepherd.Everyone calls me Shep. in Mr Carlson Class. I really like the book. Do people call you Cheesie b/c you love mac and cheese. Have a great day. try to message me soon
from Shepherd.
The answer to your Cheesie name question is in my books. I really like your nickname.
My real name is Ronald, but my sister (Goon) calls me Runt as a nickname.
I reaiiy want to read more of your books.
hi cheesie!im from mr.Carolson’s class. i loved your 1st book! i want to read your 2nd book so baddd.and your 3rd,4th,5th and so on…
sincerely,
reagan M.
What if you like the 2nd book more than the 1st…and the 3rd more than the 2nd…and so on?
By my 5th book, you might explode!
oh my gosh i was thinking you werent going to respond! maybe i will like the 2nd more and so on. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. by reagan m
Don’t be upset or anything, but I get kinda nervous when girls use the word “love” in a comment to me.
Hi cheesie i love the book so much
from Teagan 3 grade
Hi, Teagan. I am glad you feel that way because it made me smile.
good book cheeise.
E A sports its i the Game
I do not know what the little “i” in your comment means.
Good comment, Paxton.
hey Cheesie! i know i already posted a comment but your book was very fun and had so many activitys cant really spell the word
Sincerly Cristi
Someone call the Comment Police! Cristi is hogging the channel.
heehee
I Love your book and we just finished the 1st one and I want to read the 2nd one
Good idea, Maddie.
I hope it’s okay to call you Maddie. I hope it doesn’t make you mad…again. (Mad-again…get it?) Lame joke, I know.
Hi Cheesie! im Cristi from Mr.Carlsons class i loved your book! i hope the second book is in the library im looking forward to reading it.
Hello, Cristi. If it’s not in your library, ask your librarian to send me a note, and I’ll get one to her. It’s called “Cheesie Mack Is Cool in a Duel.”
Hi Cheesie! I am from mr c’s class And I Really Loved the Book. It was fun to read and full of action looking forward to Reading the 2nd book.
Sincerly Brady
You are right. My adventures are definitely “full of action.”
hi i’m from mr.Carolson’s class really like your book.
sincerly.Jeron
Ih, Norej!
(I was facing backwards when I wrote that.)
Hi Cheesie! This is Mr. Carlson’s Third Grade Class in Minnesota! We just finished your book and really enjoyed it! Many look forward to reading more from your series.
Sincerely,
Mr. C’s Class
Wow! A comment from a whole class.
I have never been to Minnesota. I would really like to visit.
My Grandpa has been to all 50 states. The last one he visited was North Dakota.
Because I like to be sort of a detective, I figured out your class is at one of these schools:
Discovery, Hanover, Montrose, Northwinds, Parkside, or Tatanka.
I pick the one with the longest name: Northwinds.
Am I right?
Correctamundo! You are amazing! Can’t wait to share your reply with the kids in the morning!
Nothing beats connecting kids with real-life authors to get them hooked on reading!
Thank you for all you do!
Best,
Eric
Cheesie R u Reel
Of course I am real. My books are all realistic fiction. I am a realistic, fictional character.
Cheesie is cheesie!
I liked the book
Thank you, Joshua!
Hi Steve I just got into your books my grand father new you do you recognize the name David George Sylvester he is my grand father he gave me the books. Peace out
Of course I know your Grandfather!
I knew your mom, too.
I LOVE YOUR BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really liked your book, and I can’t wait to read the second (good thing I listened to my mom when she said I should give it a try). PS – my birthday is in October and I’m turning eleven. Also, my nickname has food in it too… Maya Papaya.
I love your nickname. They could’ve called you Maya Jambalaya. I have eaten jambalaya one time…and LOVED it! If you’ve never heard of it, it comes from West African, French, and Spanish cooking, and it’s kind of spicy, made mainly of meat and vegetables mixed with rice.
I LOVE your books that whenever I get a chance I read them. They are sooo good!!!!
Thank you, Anasimone (which I think is a VERY COOL name!)
hey I am reading your first book right now so I was wondering why did you make this book and can you tell me a joke please?By the way I love your books
Okay, here’s a joke my Granpa told me.
A man walks into a bar. What does he say?
OUCH!
Hi I love ur books so much I’m a girl in 6 grade and goon is just like my sis and I cant wait for ur new boo when I read ur first book I fell in love keep up the good work
You live in Maine! I love Maine! My second book totally takes place in Maine.
If you read it, let me know if you think I have written correctly about your state.
Ok you should push him harder too do so.
Hi, Ant (cool name!)
Georgie here.
Sorry. Too much work for me. Websites are Cheesie’s thing. I draw, play hoops, and hang out as Cheesie’s best friend.
Georgie is hard to push. He’s BIG!
Chessie, does Georgie have a website??? If not please tell him to make one, and he can make some books, too.
Georgie does NOT have a website. Because he is so good at drawing, I have begged him to do one, but nope. He is too lazy.
Cheesie can you make another book????? Pleese!!!!
I like your book.
Thanks, Andrew!